Dear Donnie,
It's your birthday. Today you would have been 44 years old. I would have teased you about being only 6 years away from 50. And I would have told you with all sincerity how thankful I am that you were born. For your last 8 birthdays on this earth you and I truly celebrated your life because of your brush with death in 2004 from Necrotizing Fasciitis. Every moment became special and sacred.
I'm so glad I purposed to give you a party for your 40th birthday. I still think over the time I spent preparing for your surprise birthday roast on the bayou with happy smiles and of how much I enjoyed every moment of planning and then seeing it come into fruition. And even though you knew something was up we still got you with the roast and all those awful pictures. I'm so happy we celebrated that day with your family and friends.
Tonight the kids and I will spend the evening celebrating you again. I've been veklempt since Sunday night thinking about this day and the significance it holds. About how Emelia told me just a few months after you left us for heaven that she wanted to celebrate having you as her daddy on your birthdays every year. And the extra hugs the kids have been seeking from me the last few days with moist eyes along with whispered words of "I miss daddy" in my ears have made me weak and nostalgic.
I miss you. I miss your voice and how its deep timbre brought me comfort and warmed me. I miss your laugh and how it would make your eyes disappear and your dimples deepen. I miss the warmth of your hand covering mine and hearing you say 'Thank you honey' for the small things I did for you throughout the day. I miss the silly irreverent videos that you would text me to make me shake my head in laughter or shock and after watching them, I would have to delete them in case the kids came across them in my phone. And of course I miss your mad chef skills, especially when I murder a steak in my awkward attempts at cooking.
But I will celebrate you today. Even though I will be teary and a bit somber in moments, I am happy to have this day to honor you. I will watch old videos with the kids and we will laugh together. Emmi will tell the IHOP sausage story for the thousandth time and giggle over your crazy antics. Kellan will quietly listen and laugh and cry. We will dine at a restaurant you loved and we will wave at you and hope you see us as we gaze into the starry sky before going into our apartment and getting ready for bed. And we will love you, love you, love you always and no matter what.
Happy birthday honey.
