Oh Christmas Tree.

I just took my bedroom Christmas tree down and I can't tell you how good it feels to have it all boxed up. I was excited to put a tree up in my bedroom again. It had been six years since I had put up our bedroom Christmas tree, decked in pearls, off-white poinsettias and a gorgeous variety of blue ornaments. I couldn't wait to enjoy the lights from my desk while I was working at night.

As I opened each ornament box it took me back to seven Christmases ago. Some of the ornaments had never been used and still had their tags on them from the after Christmas sales we had hit that year. With each layer of ornaments I added to the tree my sadness deepened. I finished decorating and stepped back to look at our tree, Donnie's and mine. 

Instead of bringing warmth and fulfillment, it brought me heaviness and weighted pain. The soft glow emanating from the corner of my room was like the ghost of Christmas past staring at me with droopy tear filled eyes. It reminded me of hushed conversations we held after putting the kids to bed, planning out their gifts and stocking surprises. How we would gaze at the lights as we cuddled on the bed or how I gave him his gift early because I just couldn't wait anymore.

I didn't realize the tree would throw me back so far or bring me down so low. That's the funny thing about grief. You just never know what is going to trigger it and in such an instant moment you are left breathless as if you've been sucker punched in the belly or pinned beneath an anvil like Wile E. Coyote.

At our grief recovery meeting this Wednesday, our adult group was given Play-Doh to use as part of our activity. We were asked to make something to show how we feel now that the holidays were over. I made a little Play-Doh man with X's for eyes and his mouth gaping open and with the rest I made a boulder. When it was my turn to share, I dropped my boulder on the man and flattened him. Everyone laughed, including me, but it was true. 

I have felt flattened by this Christmas. My apartment has been in chaos. My laundry needs washing. My floor needs vacuuming. Everything feels and looks like a wreck. Except for my beautiful, perfect Christmas trees. 

So tonight, after I put the kids to bed and took some down time for myself, I looked once again at my bedroom Christmas tree, sighed and started to dismantle it piece by piece: ornaments, poinsettias, pearls and branches. Now it sits in boxes where the tree was standing and to be very honest; I know this doesn't sound like me, being the Christmas lover that I am, but those boxes are just the most beautiful thing I have seen in a few weeks. Well, that is besides my children. 

One tree down, three to go...

Why I Am a Christmas Crackhead

I'm a Christmas nut. It's true. I'm your worst nightmare when it comes to trying to avoid the Christmas holidays until they are right upon you jingling at your door. Why? Because I let you know far too often and way too early how many days it is until Christmas. I'm known to remind those I care about as early as June that Christmas is only 6 months away. 

I've been witnessed singing Christmas carols in 100+ degree temperatures. I watch Christmas movies year-round. I fantasize about how to decorate my house for Christmas months in advance. I have a Christmas tree for every room in my house and the decorations to go along with them. I can tell you what you should get on the 9th day of Christmas for your true love. 

I even have an app folder on my phone titled 'Christmas' that stays there year round so I can play Christmas games, decorate a Christmas tree virtually, cut up a snowflake and check how many days, hours, minutes and seconds it is until Christmas at any given moment the Christmas notion strikes me. And it does. Often.

Some people say I'm sick. Twisted. Insane. And I drive my friend Karen crazy. (Wait, if I'm driving you crazy, maybe that means I'm not really the crazy one Karen, you are! Heehehee!) I can't help it though. It beats like The Little Drummer Boy's drum inside my heart. Ba-boom. Ba-boom. Ba-boom. Fa-la. Fa-la. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-laaaa! Hey. You were singing with me just now, weren't you? WEREN'T YOU??? Come on, admit it.

I haven't always been this way. I mean, I've always loved Christmas of course. But it's been a progression since I married Donnie, so really I could blame a lot of it on him. Because before I warped into the Christmas freak, he flew the freak flag first. He decorated every square inch of his living space with Christmas whats-its when I met him. The man went all out. Garlands and bows, ribbons and ornaments, mistletoe and kisses. Hmmmm, I'm gonna miss that one. He was so festive that it was contagious. And over the years, I became infested with festivity. 

Several years ago on Christmas night, we were playing 'Santa', wrapping the big gifts and stuffing stockings, making pies and preparing portions of our holiday meal when the funniest thing happened. We had been checking the 'Santa Radar' all evening for the kids to know where Santa was so we could get them to bed on time. All night long the kids would ask, "Where's Santa now?!" to which we would check and answer "Zimbabwe!",  "Finland!" or wherever else Santa was trekking off to next.

We had already tucked the kids in bed at least an hour prior and Donnie was standing at the stove stirring a huge pot of something Cajun and delicious when he turned to me suddenly with his spoon poised in his hand and eager excitement edging in his voice as he asked me, "WHERE'S SANTA NOW?!?" I stopped my stuffing of the stockings to turn and look at him and asked him incredulously, 'Really??' and we both busted out laughing! He had literally forgotten for a moment that Santa wasn't real! It still makes me laugh. 

So yeah, it's gotta be mostly his fault. But I am what I am: a corrupted Christmas crackhead. And I know, I KNOW I have fallen to the commercialism of Christmas. There are plenty of Christians who boycott how sold out some people are to Santa and the wares of the holiday season. And I'll confess, I was one of those people who said I would never let my kids believe in Santa Claus. 

I knew Santa wasn't real when I was a kid. I knew Kris Kringle was just a bunch of bunk. And yes, my brothers and I were 'those kids' who spoiled Christmas for the young believers because my parents respected us enough to tell us the truth. Yeah, it was us that made the other kids cry because we told them it was OUR dad in the Santa suit and Santa was NOT real. And yes, we did feel superior to other children because we had adult knowledge of the facts of life about Christmas. 

But my husband wasn't having it. He wanted his kids to experience Christmas the way he had: nervous anticipation balled up in the pit of his stomach, aching for the swift moment Santa would swoop in as soon as he submitted to slumber so he could tear open his presents on Christmas morning and bask in giddy euphoria of the thought that Santa somehow brought him exactly what he wanted. So I did it. I gave in. And man am I glad I did. Christmas has been so exciting every year looking at it through my kids' eyes. 

OF COURSE Christmas is not all about Santa with us. Please. It's not all about the decor' and the eggnog, watching The Christmas Story movie or It's A Wonderful Life. It's not all about reading The Night Before Christmas or The Elf on the Shelf. If you've known us, then you know Christ has always been our priority and my kids clearly know the TRUE truth behind why we celebrate Christmas. We have read Luke 2 from the Bible to the kids every year and had discussions and celebrations to make sure that clarity remains. But come on y'all, they're kids. And it's Christmas. And we're just having some merriment and fun. Well, a lot of it actually. 

Besides, Kellan knows. He figured it out 2 years ago and asked Donnie and I a few weeks after Christmas whether Santa was real or not. We told him the truth, revealing our deception and I gulped guiltily as I wondered if my son would be damaged goods now that he knew we had duped him. But he just smiled knowingly and shrugged and said he knew it. I could tell he felt wiser and more grown up at the knowledge he had gained and it satisfied me that he could now enjoy the heady feeling of superiority over other children like I had. (Haha!)

I think this will probably be Emelia's last year to believe. But I'm holding it out as long as I can. Because I'm not looking forward to how the suspense of the holiday will lose a little of its luster once she realizes Santa isn't real. She'll know it's me busting my butt to get her gifts and the magic of Christmas Eve will diminish a bit for her and for me too once she becomes one of the superior knowledged children. But at least for one more Christmas she'll have trouble falling asleep and be straining her ears for jingle bells and reindeer hooves. And me? I'll be nibbling on Santa's cookies so she'll think he ate her sweet little offering.

By the way, however you want to look at it, as I'm writing this there are only 68 days OR 1,642 hours OR 98,534 minutes OR 5,912,040 seconds left until Christmas arrives. It's time to get ready people! HO HO HO!!!

Here's some helpful links for your Christmas preparation that a pro like me has been known to use during the holiday season!

Christmas countdown website

Santa Radar Tracking

FREE Personalized Santa Video/Christmas Letter for Kids

Christmas Treasures

Christmas time is here! Our favorite time of year! I just finished reading Emmi 'The Night Before Christmas'. Last night it was Donnie's turn to read it. And every day, I mean EVERY DAY, she tells us how many days there are left until Christmas! So the countdown is definitely on and both the kids are extremely excited about Christmas this year, but I have to admit Donnie and I are too!

Living Room Tree

After Donnie being ill through the holidays last year and being so full of worry, anxiety and fear during a time we would normally be celebrating with friends or family, this year we have definitely been looking forward to Christmas with so much excitement. Last year on Christmas day we were at the ER with the kids sitting on the floor of the hospital playing with one of their new toys and no Christmas dinner to enjoy. This year, with dialysis helping maintain Donnie's health, we can't wait for Christmas day. Did I mention we're excited about Christmas this year? Because WE ARE!! :)

Emmi's Tree

AND we are so very thankful to be able to have another holiday together. Going through illness or seeing someone you love battling illness along with anxiety and fear makes you not want to take one moment for granted. Every day is full of treasured moments and we love to enjoy the simple moments of living life together. Hugs, kisses and holding hands with my babies and my sweet husband still daily bring tears to my eyes. We are truly a blessed family! 

Kellan's Tree

Goodwill Toward Men (Thrift Haul!)

One hundred and sixty three shopping days are left until Christmas! If you know anything about me, then you KNOW I love me some Christmas! About this time of year I drive many of my facebook friends crazy with sweet reminders of the upcoming holidays. Granted they are months AND MONTHS away, but I just can't help it!

There's something about the hot, humid 100+ degree weather in Texas that makes me want to sing Christmas carols! And the shopping bug has bitten me, my friends. I have rediscovered the joy of thrift shopping. Years ago in my college days and throughout my twenties I often hit up the Salvation Army, Goodwill and local second-hand stores. I was quite tacky with some of my fashion choices at times, but one of my thrift finds still lingers in my mind.

Back in the 90s, I found the perfect smokey blue blazer to wear over my leggings. I was looking through the men's section, thumbing through the musty menswear, trying to find something for my funky little brother and my fingers fell upon a jacket that just spoke to me. I tried it on and it fit me perfectly. I was in LOVE.  I have no idea whatever happened to what quickly became a wardrobe staple for me, but I remember it with extreme fondness.


I've been driving around town lately noticing all the Goodwill stores and got the itch to go in and see what I could find. And following blogs like this really helped to reignite my thrift-lust! So I finally stepped inside one about 2 weeks  ago and I've gone twice more since! I am SO digging getting name brand clothing that I would have paid several hundred bucks for (in total) for maybe $15 instead! I found several blouses, a pair of jeans, a dress and several knick knacks (including some Christmas goodies!!!)... for pennies people!

And now, I proudly share my Thrift Haul with you!

Girls Butterfly Skirt = $1.00
This one I didn't actually find at Goodwill, I found it at a local kids' consignment store that I frequent for my children. It's hard to tell from this pic, but it is the cutest mint green butterfly print cotton skirt that I got for $1.00 and my little girl LOVES it! I'll have to post a pic of her in it soon. 

 

Cato blouse w/built in turquoise tank = $3.99
Not striking on camera, but the colors are really pretty and it looks very summery and makes me think of the colors on the beach. It's super cute on, but I have to shrink a little to be comfy in it.



Faded Glory Sleeveless Blouse = $3.99
Okay, yes it's a Walmart brand, but it is really cute and has these strands of silver thread in it that dress it up. I don't like to wear WM brands too often, but I haven't seen anyone else with this shirt on & it's a great light summer look.

Lane Bryant Boyfriend style Jeans = $4.99

Hold on to your britches people! I can't believe I found these LB jeans at Goodwill! They are in superb condition! These would cost at least $50 bucks at the store! Terrible picture, I really need to step up my camera, the iphone shots just don't cut it.

 

Torrid Graphic Dress = $7.98
This one made me gasp. Torrid!!! It is SO cute, the back cutout is a little risque for moi, so I will wear a black cami tank underneath it (that I also got from Goodwill for only $1.99). Hubby likes this one! Wink-Wink!


 

Over-sized Christmas Mugs = $0.99 each!

These mugs are 'matching' as they are in a collection together. They are adorable and I thought they would be perfect for a Secret Sister gift with some other goodies in a basket, or maybe I just might keep them for ME!

 

Porcelain Christmas Sleigh = $0.99

This glossy white sleigh caught my eye straight out and even had a twin (which I did not purchase). I think they may have originally been used as small planters because there were some dirt crumbs in them, but I think they're a little bit teensy for that! I thought it would be ideal to hold my kitchen sponge at Christmas time so I can think Christmas-y thoughts while I'm doing the dishes!

 

Decorative Metal Planter = $0.99
This planter fit the style and colors in my kitchen and is just what I needed to replace that pink/purple/lavendar eyesore of a plant holder seen in the background of the picture.

 

Decorative Metal Urn/Vase = $0.99

This cute urn is right up my artistic hubby's alley. He is fantastic at putting together gorgeous & unique silk flower arrangements and I could just see him using this for one of his fabulous creations. So there you go honey, it's all yours!

 

Ceramic Candle Pedestal = $0.99

I LOVE this thing! It needs to be repainted or else distressed a little more, but it is going to be PERFECT for on top of my TV armoire in the living room. I love it's chunky-ness (is that a word?) and old world look!

 

So there we have it! My first thrift haul in YEARS. And let me just say, being the mom of a 6 and 8 year old, the Goodwill is the PERFECT babysitter! I gave them strict rules of staying together and a mission of finding a treasure for each of them for $1.00 or less... they found some ugly little knick knacks, but I got to shop without being disturbed and keep an eye on them at the same time! LOVES IT!!!

T'was the Nightmare Before Christmas.

There are only 4 more days left before our Christmas production. 

I. Am. Scared. 

So much goes into these things.  So many man hours of practicing, rehearsing, preparing and obsessing.  And usually the last rehearsals are the most frightening and leave all those involved feeling inadequate and cramming like a college student at the last minute for their finals. 

Costumes to be sewn.  Dance steps to learn.  Outfits to shop for.  Another Christmas tree to decorate.  Stage to be set.  Programs to be made.  Lighting & media to plan out.  Breathe.  Pant-pant!  Inhale.  Exhale!

But somehow, almost magically, it all seems to fall into place on the big day. 

Nerves will be raw, throats may be scratchy, costumes might be rustling, children will be giddy.  But it will be exciting, it will be beautiful, it will be poignant and then it will be over all too soon.

I. Can't. Wait!

It's My Favorite

Summer has ended and school has started. The past month was full of summer's last hurrahs: slip-n-slides, bouncy houses, water parks, $1.00 movies and popsicles. And now the days are filled with pencils, erasers, notebooks, crayons & Elmer's glue. Something about school supplies just makes me downright giddy. I guess it's the nerd in me, but I have always loved buying journal-sized notebooks and finding the perfect pen, and oh, the intoxicating scent of magic markers! Don't worry, I'm not an abuser, it's just one of those scents that I 'sparingly' love!
If you know me well, then you know my favorite season is arriving. Oh the yummy fall! Amish cookies are just waiting to be made (a family tradition my mom started when I was a teen, oh so long ago) and enjoyed with a cup of hot tea. My extra blankets have been freshly laundered and are ready to be pulled up to my chin and inhaled just like on those detergent commercials! I'm just about to break into the box of autumn deco in its rich kaleidoscope of fall colors to make my house match my mood. And I can't wait to hear Kellan try to pronounce 'cornucopia' again!
I've even started counting the days to Christmas and driving some people crazy with my anticipation for the Holidays. It's funny, just about this same time last year the Christmas fever hit me, but then Emmi started it that time (click here to read that blog). We have been in the process for a few weeks now of going through Holiday music to start preparing our singers and musicians for Christmas. Donnie & I were up until 3:00 one morning last week robustly singing Christmas carols. Thank God we didn't wake the kids when we were singing Silent Night, because it wasn't very silent!
I can't wait to get started on some crafty Christmas projects that I've got planned. Surprises await a chosen few this year! Don't worry, it won't be an ill fitting sweater or a macrame plant holder. Closer to Christmas I'll post pictures of the fun stuff I'm making. I'd do it now but I don't want to spoil the fun for the people I'm forcing my handiwork on! And yes, I'll make all the family favorite goodies including the Amish cookies too. Fudge with walnuts, Great Grandmother's Icebox Fruitcake, Donnie's Pralines and maybe some Divinity this year too. Yum, yum and YUM!
I've been closing my eyes at night imagining how we will decorate our trees this year. Yes, I said 'trees'. We have 4 trees to be exact. Ummm, can you tell we love the holidays? Between mine, Donnie's, all the Christmas decorations we've inherited from my mom, his Maw-Maw and what we've acquired together in our 8 years of marriage my head spins to think of the plethera of Christmas boxes we have collected. Santa Clauses and snow globes, ornaments and lights, trees and bows, wreaths and nativity scenes. It goes on and on and on (and on and on and on).
Last week I went to pick up Kellan from school in the stifling heat and lost my Christmas high for just a moment as I touched the burning hot steering wheel and screeched out a higher note than I thought was possible for me. But that didn't last long. I just can't control my thoughts from drifting back to Christmas! I even started searching for year-round online Christmas stations while imagining candy canes doing a chorus line dance in my head. That's close enough to the sugar-plums from 'The Night Before Christmas' isn't it?
But I guess I'll have to endure the remaining 106 days, 9 hours and 42 minutes until Christmas arrives. In the meantime I'll be gathering supplies for my Christmas crafts, practicing for our Christmas program, and making my house smell like cinnamon and pumpkins. Oh I love this time of year!!!

Christmas in September?

It’s mid-September and my daughter is singing ‘Jingle Bells’ while she runs around the house with a remnant of material draped around her neck and trailing behind her as she declares “I’m Super Emmi!” How in Kris Kringle’s name does my caped crusader know that Christmas is hiding right around the corner? Earlier tonight as we watched Geraldo being blown over by the gusty winds of Hurricane Ike, Emelia was wrapping a gift for Santa. She asked me to call Mr. Claus and tell him to come get the present she prepared for him. I explained to her I couldn’t disturb Santa just now because he is busy building toys with his elves for Christmas. My little super heroine then asked, ‘Well why can’t he make a toy with one hand and talk to you on the phone with the other?’


Autumn is barely announcing its entrance with its seasonal storms and my daughter is already in full holiday mode. I have to admit my thoughts have also been drifting towards Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'm already fantasizing about Thanksgiving dinner and making the traditional Coconut, Chocolate and Sweet Potato pies my mom used to make every year. I just love how the fall slowly enters, lingers and then fades into winter. It’s natural for me to weave this time of year altogether in my mind so I suppose its fitting for Emmi to be singing Christmas carols even though there are still 9 days left before Autumn officially kicks in.

It saddens me that September holds only 30 days and we're already ending day 12! This is one of my favorite months of the year for more reasons than its announcement of the Autumn season. The Texas State Fair starts on September 26th this year, just one day past my 37th birthday. My husband and I went to the fair together for one of our first 'non-dates' 8 years ago when we were still pretending we were just friends. So this month always reminds me of funnel cakes and corn dogs, ferris wheels and fire crackers… and butterflies in my stomach.

I’ve noticed the late evenings have held a slight hint of chill the last couple of weeks. I found myself giggling light-headedly a few days ago as I climbed into bed after adding my favorite cozy blanket to my side. I even indulged in hot cocoa one night last week after the kids were tucked away and dreaming. Pumpkins and candy corns are popping up in the supermarket and harvest decor is dressing the entryways of Texas homes. Even the scent of the air is changing and I find myself becoming refreshed, excited and invigorated by the changes my old friend Autumn brings with it. I love, love, love this time of year.

I’m hoping we can plan a trip to see some of the beautiful firey red, burnt orange and golden yellow leaves as they turn during the peak of the season just before they coat the ground. I can’t wait to walk through the leaves and hear the rustling and feel the crunching beneath my feet. I was spoiled to grow up in North Carolina where they have some of the most gorgeous Autumns I’ve ever seen. Here's hoping you have the best Autumn yet, filled with the crunchiest leaves, the creamiest hot cocoa and maybe even a Christmas carol here or there!