Our Favorite Time of Day

This was our favorite time of the day. There was just something so sweet about the babies being tucked in bed, fast asleep & having alone time with each other. 

We would watch our favorite shows together, laugh at the Desperate Housewives of New Jersey or shudder at Criminal Minds. We would discuss the days events, our plans for tomorrow, or our dreams for our future. 

We would share the cute things the kids did or said that day, or shake our heads at what the world was coming to... We would sigh, and we would snack and then we would head to bed. 

And he would tell me as he did so often, "This is my absolute favorite time of the day. I look forward all day to us coming to lie down so we can cuddle and fall asleep together."

Now, it's my most dreaded time of day. I wander around the house, trying to find something to busy myself with. I keep myself going until I am utterly exhausted and have to lie down. 

And then I face his empty pillow where he took his last breath and I weep myself to sleep.

And I wake an hour later only to have to fall asleep again, alone. 

Without. 

Empty. 

Half of me is gone.