Like Clockwork.

Fall is here! And it arrived right on time this year which is absurdly abnormal. So I'm making a list of my seasonal to do's to start on this weekend since it caught me a little off guard by coming on time! If you're interested in some money savers or new ideas for this time of year, read my to do list below:

1. Go through the kids fall/winter clothing to see if anything still fits and then off to the consignment shop to refurbish their wardrobe.
~ This is something I've been doing for years! If you are looking for a way to save money on your children's ever changing wardrobe, check out your local consignment stores or second hand kids clothing places like Once Upon A Child. Most of these stores will take your gently used, non-stained, outgrown or out of season clothing and give you a store credit towards any clothing or other items in their store, or if you prefer they will give you cash. They'll even take gently used toys or strollers that your child has outgrown. It's a Win-Win!

2. Fall 'Spring' Cleaning.
~ Okay, my husband would tell you that cleaning is a weak point for me. There's just something about it that sets my ADD on hypermode and I can't seem to gather my senses to do it all at once. But just like with Spring cleaning, in the Fall it's nice to have everything perfectly presentable for the upcoming holidays, so things like baseboards, corners, ceilings, curtains and so on could use a little extra attention to perk up the house. Now if I could just get it all done quickly. Here's where I need the maid to come in and help me out! (I wish!)

3. Spice things up in the house.

~ Yes, it's time to find my fall colored/scented candles, change the flowers, pull out the Autumn wreath and scarecrows. A few years ago I even started making my own potpouri! I took the orange peels from children's fruit snacks, some cinnamon sticks left over from Christmas the year before, a couple of cloves, tap water, a large sauce pot and Voila! ... Instant homemade potpourri boiling on the back burner of my stove while I finish up the laundry. I also like to start some baking when it starts cooling off outside, like my infamous Amish cookies so I can enjoy them with a cup of hot tea or cocoa. Ahhhh, delightful!

Well, that's the short list anyway! If only it was as pretty here as in NC where I grew up or AR where I was blessed to live a few years ago. I miss all the rich reds, oranges and golds of the trees. Hope you all enjoy the arriving fall as much as I am!

Staples.

What are your staples? In my house a few would be mayonaise, ketchup, bread, ham, brown rice, and Kraft Asian Toasted Sesame salad dressing (so yummy on a salad and trust me, cook your chicken in it and you will LOVE it forever). Well, those are the basics for us anyway! What about you? What is it you can't live without?

I've been thinking. Yes, I know that sounds a little dangerous, but really, I've been thinking about a few of the things that I love most in this world. And although chocolate, books and my favorite blanket may be difficult for me to imagine living without, I can gulp and shiver and acknowledge that I can manage, somehow, without those things. They are more of a luxury than a necessity. They are indulgences that give me warm fuzzies, but they aren't essential for my daily living. So what is it that really matters? What is truly valuable? What is it that I cannot live without?
A few years ago, I was going through some personal trials. I was missing my mom after her passing and learning the responsibilities of being an adult with my own family. I was a role model as a worship leader but felt like a failure in some personal choices I had made. I was thankful for God's grace but I was worried about my husband and my children. I wished I could be more like my mom and yet wise enough to learn from her mistakes. I wanted more for my life, more for my family, more for my children's future than I was capable of giving them myself. I was overwhelmed and felt inadequate and incomplete.
With all of this turmoil swirling in my mind, I was on the platform at church leading worship with my husband and we began singing "Lord, I Give You My Heart". As my lips formed the words of the line "All that I adore is in You", I felt lightheaded with the truth of what I was singing. All my fears, anxieties, failures and worries literally melted away as I envisioned my concerns about my family ~ my sweet husband and my precious babies ~ in God's hands. In HIS hands.
I've realized that there are many things that I CAN live without in my life. I don't have to have the fanciest car or home, I don't have to have the latest style of fashion on my back or on my feet. My essentials, my staples, my necessities are my family, my dear friends and my Savior. So I encourage you today to take stock, do some inventory and determine those things that are life to you.

Enjoy a moment of worship, meditation or internal searching as you listen to this video below and give all that you adore to God's hands.  My heart hopes your heart hopes today.

Read

Lord, I Give You My Heart Lyrics

here.

It's My Favorite

Summer has ended and school has started. The past month was full of summer's last hurrahs: slip-n-slides, bouncy houses, water parks, $1.00 movies and popsicles. And now the days are filled with pencils, erasers, notebooks, crayons & Elmer's glue. Something about school supplies just makes me downright giddy. I guess it's the nerd in me, but I have always loved buying journal-sized notebooks and finding the perfect pen, and oh, the intoxicating scent of magic markers! Don't worry, I'm not an abuser, it's just one of those scents that I 'sparingly' love!
If you know me well, then you know my favorite season is arriving. Oh the yummy fall! Amish cookies are just waiting to be made (a family tradition my mom started when I was a teen, oh so long ago) and enjoyed with a cup of hot tea. My extra blankets have been freshly laundered and are ready to be pulled up to my chin and inhaled just like on those detergent commercials! I'm just about to break into the box of autumn deco in its rich kaleidoscope of fall colors to make my house match my mood. And I can't wait to hear Kellan try to pronounce 'cornucopia' again!
I've even started counting the days to Christmas and driving some people crazy with my anticipation for the Holidays. It's funny, just about this same time last year the Christmas fever hit me, but then Emmi started it that time (click here to read that blog). We have been in the process for a few weeks now of going through Holiday music to start preparing our singers and musicians for Christmas. Donnie & I were up until 3:00 one morning last week robustly singing Christmas carols. Thank God we didn't wake the kids when we were singing Silent Night, because it wasn't very silent!
I can't wait to get started on some crafty Christmas projects that I've got planned. Surprises await a chosen few this year! Don't worry, it won't be an ill fitting sweater or a macrame plant holder. Closer to Christmas I'll post pictures of the fun stuff I'm making. I'd do it now but I don't want to spoil the fun for the people I'm forcing my handiwork on! And yes, I'll make all the family favorite goodies including the Amish cookies too. Fudge with walnuts, Great Grandmother's Icebox Fruitcake, Donnie's Pralines and maybe some Divinity this year too. Yum, yum and YUM!
I've been closing my eyes at night imagining how we will decorate our trees this year. Yes, I said 'trees'. We have 4 trees to be exact. Ummm, can you tell we love the holidays? Between mine, Donnie's, all the Christmas decorations we've inherited from my mom, his Maw-Maw and what we've acquired together in our 8 years of marriage my head spins to think of the plethera of Christmas boxes we have collected. Santa Clauses and snow globes, ornaments and lights, trees and bows, wreaths and nativity scenes. It goes on and on and on (and on and on and on).
Last week I went to pick up Kellan from school in the stifling heat and lost my Christmas high for just a moment as I touched the burning hot steering wheel and screeched out a higher note than I thought was possible for me. But that didn't last long. I just can't control my thoughts from drifting back to Christmas! I even started searching for year-round online Christmas stations while imagining candy canes doing a chorus line dance in my head. That's close enough to the sugar-plums from 'The Night Before Christmas' isn't it?
But I guess I'll have to endure the remaining 106 days, 9 hours and 42 minutes until Christmas arrives. In the meantime I'll be gathering supplies for my Christmas crafts, practicing for our Christmas program, and making my house smell like cinnamon and pumpkins. Oh I love this time of year!!!

Whodunit?!

Another eventful week has passed in our household and for your quizzical pleasure lets play a little game called Whodunit?

Monday: Another mouse was offed! Woohooo!

Tuesday: Barbie & Ken went unashamedly nudist on us.

Wednesday: Somebody snuck into supply cabinets and poured Silver & Gold glitter all over the church nursery floor.

Thursday: Dorothy doll got a haircut in the bathroom sink.

Friday: Someone pee-peed in the bathroom wastebasket, just to see what it was like.

Well, I think that just about sums it up! Have a blessed weekend!

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Emelia?

My blond haired, blue-eyed daughter is sweetly and innocently snoring beside me curled up in my favorite fuzzy blanket. Just an hour and a half ago she was beating up her big brother with his Star Wars sword. I marvel at this child.
I can’t get enough of her. She just amazes me. She is only 4 years old and she is already so many things I always wanted to be. Bold, witty, aggressive, funny, endearing, tenderhearted and nurturing. Of course she is also bossy, mean, obstinate, hard headed, obsessive compulsive, insatiably hungry, wildly mischievous and terribly rebellious. And I love her so absolutely passionately that I cannot imagine life without having to clean up her magic marker masterpieces from the walls or reminding her for the 26,347th time that ladies don’t sit like that when they are wearing dresses.

One day not too many months ago we were picking out some new black patent leather dress shoes to match a new dress. She tried on the shoes, pointed her toes, did a test twirl and they were as good as hers. Then a sales lady came by and asked if she would like a sticker and proceeded to hand her a Cars sticker. A CARS STICKER. My daughter, instead of being thankful for what she was given began throwing a royal fit because it wasn’t Hannah Montana. So as I dragged my crying, screaming, tantrum-throwing daughter from the store after spending nearly $20 on a new pair of shoes, I looked up into the heavens (really, I did) and asked God, Why? Why did you give this child to me?
When I was an opinionated single young woman (before I became an overwhelmed white-hair-growing mother) I looked on in judgment at the feeble minded parents who had children like my daughter. I snidely glowered sideways at them as they dealt with them in the checkout at the grocery store, their child throwing a fit over candy or a toy they wanted while they desperately tried to calm them down. I would shake my head at their wimpy attempts of reigning in their little monster and self-righteously think to myself ‘What that spoiled brat needs is a good spanking!’ or ‘That woman needs to learn how to discipline that child!’
And of course it doesn’t help that my first child was so luxuriously low maintenance. Kellan has always been the sweetest, quietest, happy-go-lucky mellow fellow. When he was about 1 year old, we were run off the highway by another vehicle veering into our lane which spun us around two and a half times into the median acquiring a healthy souvenir of grass and dirt along the ride. And the entire time, Kellan was a happy camper just chugging away at his bottle of juice in the fashion of Maggie from the Simpsons like nothing had even happened. Even today, he can quietly amuse himself for hours, ah sweet peace!
Enter Emelia Rose into the world and from her first cry, I am not kidding you, my husband and I looked at each other in fear and slight horror. We knew she was different, even alien if you will from her sweet mild mannered big brother. From her daredevil attempts of jumping out of my arms, the stroller and the shopping cart during her infancy to pushing, scratching, hitting & biting her brother as soon as she could slither across the floor, to picking the perfect moments to show her bull-headed stubborn streak and sassy mouth in such places as the library or the sweet poignant quiet moment in a child’s play where she chose to pass noxious gas, loudly; we have been amazed, astounded and yes even amused at times by our tornado on feet.
There are days she is so emotional, we have to send her to her room to have a good cry. After 10 minutes of raining tears and earth shaking bellows I have checked on her only to be told between her heart breaking body racking sobs, ‘I’M …gasp… NOT …snort-sniff… DONE …sob… YET!’ and 45 minutes later she prancingly exits her room, sunshine on her face, eyes twinkling and in sing song voice announces with wonder ‘Mommy, I’m not crying anymore!’.
She is the most unpredictable child I have ever met. One of my favorite stories about her is when we were driving to the store and my husband was discussing his exasperation with her on what had been an especially trying day. He told me in deep frustration ‘Honey, I even spanked the daylights out of her, and she STILL wouldn’t listen!’ And just as soon as he finished the sentence, Emmi’s raspy lisping voice piped up from the back seat as she reprimandingly shouted ‘No you didn’t Daddy! I thtill got the daylighth in me!’ And of course, we laughed, and laughed and laughed.
We have had to be creative in our measures of discipline with her, finding out what works, and what very obviously doesn’t work. And yes, I have noticed the snooty single women watching me at the grocery checkout as my daughter has a perfectly orchestrated meltdown that showcases me as having poor parenting skills (in their opinion). But I know better now. Just like any storm, the dramatic display of my strong-willed child will pass and I’ve learned to pick my battles, well… most of the time.
I really wouldn’t trade my fireball daughter for anything because like I said, I marvel at this child. She is only 4 years old and she is already so many things I always wanted to be. Bold, witty, aggressive, funny, endearing, tenderhearted and nurturing. And I love her so absolutely passionately that I cannot imagine life without her. I can’t get enough of her. She just amazes me.

The Loss of a Friend

Originally posted 02/23/08, but edited to reflect present day:

Since joining various social online networks, I've had the best time finding people that probably thought I had forgotten them, or that more likely had forgotten me. I've found relatives I haven't seen in several years, friends I haven't seen in more than a decade and schoolmates that honestly, I can't remember their last name, but their faces do look vaguely familiar to me. Just to know that I can click on a friend's page and see what is happening in their lives or how their children are growing makes me feel like I'm 'virtually' involved in their lives again. There are just some people that I will never forget and it's nice to stay in touch even if it's only 'virtually'. So I've been having a lot of fun searching for my peeps and sending out friend requests.

The weird part is I never considered some people wouldn't want to accept me as one of their 'friends'. Okay, maybe one or two I thought might not accept me because I wasn't the coolest kid back in high school and didn't run with the in crowd, but I wasn't exactly a reject either. Or at least I'm egocentric enough to think I wasn't. But to be rejected by someone I've known for years and have laughed with, that my kids have played with their kid(s), that I have gone to church with; well, to be honest it's a bit of shocker.

I'm stepping back to do some self-evaluation and I'm faced with some confusion. It's true, much has changed in my life over the last several years. When I married I somehow dropped the ball on some important friendships and realized later after my blissful newlywed months that I neglected some extremely special people. Particularly, a bridesmaid whose friendship was vital for me as a single. I still miss laughing with that friend and so often think about her. She's one of the few people I wasn't able to find (until recently ~ love you Silver!).

After college, I was the best letter writer and used so much postage on the massive mailouts to the friends I'd made there that I knew the postman on a first name basis, literally. I used to be so great at keeping in touch with friends and somehow once I married and had children my priorities completely shifted. Especially with the recurring physical battles my husband has faced in the last few years (www.nnff.com - look for his survivor story under Donnie Thibodaux), my focus has been primarily on my immediate family. But I'm trying to change the trend I created and although of course my husband and kiddos are still my priority, I'm working hard on attempting to be less selfish, more giving and being there as much as I possibly can for my friends even if only through emails or comments and occasional phone calls for the time being.

But the rejection or the act of not accepting me as a friend has really thrown me. I remember back in junior high, how excruciatingly painful it was that I wasn't 'popular'. I was not the IT girl, I did not have the latest greatest 80's wardrobe, (although I did have gorgeous hair thanks to my mom the greatest hairstylist I've ever known) and I was very much the shrinking violet - wallflower. Eventually there was a group of friends that I became a part of during those preteen years and somehow I suddenly belonged. We even called ourselves 'The Group'. There were 6 or 7 of us and we did everything together from hanging out in the halls, to sleepovers, to weekend mall excursions until one day the leader of our group decided I didn't quite fit anymore.

She was the most influential girl I knew at the time and when she passed me a note between classes I was thrilled. Until I opened it and read her kindly worded note that she didn't think we should hang out anymore because our group had become too crowded, but she would still say hi to me in the halls. I didn't know what I had done, or what I hadn't done. That memory still haunts me and even today I would genuinely love to know what triggered that note of non-acceptance and social ostracization. It's no surprise that years later as a young single my heart's desire was to serve as a junior high youth teacher at church. I well remembered what I had endured and wanted to make some kind of difference for kids in that potentially tormenting age bracket. Being rejected as a teenager was nearly the end of the world for me, or at least in my highly hormonal state I thought it was.

The non-acceptance of this particular friend request has my head spinning. I'm sure it's not meant to personally offend or hurt me and I'm not asking for a pity acceptance by writing this blog. And please understand too my words are not written in a ranting or raving tone. I only hope to sincerely convey my heart, imperfections and all. In the ministry world there are many challenges to deal with. After serving a ministry for a period of time, your heart becomes knit together and entwined with the people you work for, the people you work with and the people of the church. In many ways it's a marriage of sorts and parting is always awkward, no matter how smooth of a transition you attempt to make it. I haven't been through a divorce, but I can imagine the feelings of conflicting loyalties must be much the same.

A few years ago, we spent 5 years on staff as Music Pastors at a church in Arkansas. We fell in love with the people of the church from our first conversation with the Pastors. We wholeheartedly took on the vision of the church and did our very best to put 100% of ourselves into everything we put our hands to. When God spoke to us that our season there was over, we were hesitant to leave because of the relationships we had formed and the people we loved because to us, they had become our family. But when God speaks we've learned it is wise to listen and to obey, so despite our ties there we resigned. We left without a place to go and without a definite plan or road ahead of us except that God said to go and so we went.

Although leaving a ministry can be an uncomfortable transition on both parts: the ministry left and the minister that left, there is something that hopefully can be understood throughout the transition process. As Christians, we call each other the family of God, brothers and sisters in Christ. We, who hold the truth of God's word as life itself, don't take this bond lightly because that is God's literal word. He calls us His children, which makes us brothers and sisters. I guess that's what has me somewhat confused. If I believe that my friend believes as I do (and I do) then why wouldn't they accept me as a friend? If my friend is my sister or brother in Christ, then we are intrinsically, in-separately family. We forever will be connected. We will worship together, again.

And yet, they have chosen to reject me as a friend. I am not sure if there is something that I may have done that I don't even know that I did to hurt or offend this friend. But if I did, how will I know if I'm not told? How can you fix a wrong if you don't know what it is that you did wrong? I would rather know and ask your forgiveness and move forward to work with you in the kingdom whether we are in the same church, denomination, state or not, than to stand in confusion wondering what I did to be rejected as a friend when at the same time we are still, family. Maybe I'm making more out of this than it is; maybe I'm super analytical and hypersensitive. Maybe I'm being a silly emotional 36 year old little girl. Maybe. But still even to this day, a loss of a friend, just as when I was a preteen, is a devastating thing.

Retro-Blogging

I love to purge. It feels so good to get rid of things I don't use anymore. I use the rule of 'If it hasn't been worn or used in 6 months to 1 year, it's time to get rid of it'. The victims of my purging become designated to piles labeled in my mind as "Trash", "Goodwill", "Ebay" and yes, I admit it, "ReGifting"!

My closet has been savagely edited and now I've moved on to reading through my old rants and blogs and having some good laughs at my own expense. I am closing down my old blog on myspace and recycling a few of the posts that made me snort out loud, sniffle or remind me of a lesson I need to relearn. I'm knee deep reading and weeding through the past to determine what to keep and what to throw.

So to my invisible audience who I think I am talking to when most likely I am just entertaining and amusing myself: Please endure the retro-blogging over the next few days or weeks or however long it takes me to complete this purging process. Be sure to read the 'Hotdogs & Popsicle Sticks' post... oh, so, funny.