Christmas Treasures

Christmas time is here! Our favorite time of year! I just finished reading Emmi 'The Night Before Christmas'. Last night it was Donnie's turn to read it. And every day, I mean EVERY DAY, she tells us how many days there are left until Christmas! So the countdown is definitely on and both the kids are extremely excited about Christmas this year, but I have to admit Donnie and I are too!

Living Room Tree

After Donnie being ill through the holidays last year and being so full of worry, anxiety and fear during a time we would normally be celebrating with friends or family, this year we have definitely been looking forward to Christmas with so much excitement. Last year on Christmas day we were at the ER with the kids sitting on the floor of the hospital playing with one of their new toys and no Christmas dinner to enjoy. This year, with dialysis helping maintain Donnie's health, we can't wait for Christmas day. Did I mention we're excited about Christmas this year? Because WE ARE!! :)

Emmi's Tree

AND we are so very thankful to be able to have another holiday together. Going through illness or seeing someone you love battling illness along with anxiety and fear makes you not want to take one moment for granted. Every day is full of treasured moments and we love to enjoy the simple moments of living life together. Hugs, kisses and holding hands with my babies and my sweet husband still daily bring tears to my eyes. We are truly a blessed family! 

Kellan's Tree

School's In!

Today ends week 1 of back to school for my kiddos. Kellan has entered 3rd grade and Emelia is in 1st. Here is a snapshot of their first week of school.

The first day of school when I picked Kellan up I was there 15 minutes early and had to wait about 30 minutes altogether before he was in the car. He was red, hot and grumpy. I was asking him questions about his first day and all I got were angry one word answers! I started laughing and asked him why he was so grumpy with me? It was because he had to sit out in the heat for SO LONG and thought I was late in picking him up. Then I showed him the line of cars STILL waiting to get their kids from school as we drove down the road and he chuckled and said ummmm Sorry!

Kellan really likes his teacher and thinks she is funny. He's very glad some of his friends are in his class and he's already making new friends too. He still is a little shy at recess and kind of sticks to being on his own there. He wants me to make him a lunch kit sometimes instead of going through the cafeteria line and he loved that he didn't have any homework the first week. I kind of liked that too!

When Emmi got in the car the first day after school, she immediately told me how pretty her teacher was, detailing the black and white blouse she had on, her black high heels and the way her hair was held back in a partial pony tail and then flowed down her back with the rest of her hair and its really, REALLY long. She talked NON-STOP from the moment she got in the car until we were tucking her in bed and I am not exaggerating. Apparently, returning back to school agrees with her.

Except for the mornings that is. Hello Meltdown City. Screams, tears, cries, snot and stomping were heard throughout the house on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday due to her OCD sensory issues. Her shoes don't feel right and her jeans are too tight. I was TRYING to wait until it got cooler to buy her more jeans and THOUGHT her last 3 pairs would make it until then (she just tried them on 2 weeks ago and they still fit then!). But it looks like we have to go shopping which my account will not like but SHE will LOVE.

OH! And she informed me last night that a young man in her class by the name of "Wade" put his arm around her at the car ramp on Wednesday afternoon. WHAT??? She giggled and said she told him to stop twice before he moved his arm. I looked at Donnie and said ummm, aren't 1st graders too young to be making moves? And then I had a flashback of myself in kindergarten chasing the boys in the playground trying to make them kiss me. And I guess, well, maybe it's not.
And last but not least, THIS is the kids first day of school pic. I forgot to take one that morning so I made them pose by the door when they got in from school, trying to make them smile and be happy for the camera. Perfect! I think I'm in love.

Life As We Know It

Just before Thanksgiving last year, my family of 4 was out celebrating my daughter's 6th birthday with dinner, bowling and cupcakes at a local bakery. My husband commented to me several times that evening that he wasn't feeling good. We didn't realize at the time, but he was beginning to have symptoms that were leading him into septic shock from an infection we had no idea was anything serious until it was too late.

A little over a week later he was in the hospital facing kidney failure. It just seemed to come out of nowhere, because his regular bloodwork with his PCP showed no signs of kidney issues whatsoever. Over the next several months we made many trips to varying doctors, weekly ER visits which turned into hospital stays, and then follow ups with specialists all of which included a lot of life-changing, sobering news.

Kidney failure. You don't know how devastating those words were to me. You see, Polycystic Kidney Disease is a prevalent destroyer of my family's kidneys. My mom, my aunt and my oldest brother have had kidney transplants due to PKD. My uncle, my younger brother and 2 of my cousins have passed away from the disease and its complications. So to find out that my husband was in renal failure when he has never had kidney problems before completely rocked my world.

Along with the kidney failure, the sepsis also caused his vision to basically be permanently damaged with virtually no hope of correction by glasses or other methods. The doctor actually told him he could use binoculars to help with watching TV, but then if he does that too much he would damage his peripheral vision which he still has. He has to magnify most everything to be able to read and he has to sit right in front of the TV to see, which is where we tell our kids NOT to sit or they'll go blind. What an ironic turnabout!

In some ways the vision loss has been just as devastating to him as the kidney failure. Without his normal vision, he can't see well enough to read music charts to learn or teach new music to our Praise Team. I have to help read menus to him when we go out to eat. I have to read and respond to his text messages for him, fix his insulin and other medications, etc. The kids or I sometimes have to guide him when we're walking outside because he can't see what is in his path. It has been a major blow to his ego & pride to become somewhat helpless in these areas and especially frustrating that he can't improve his vision quality.

So life as we know it has definitely changed. It has been a roller coaster of emotions with some ups and a lot of downs. After about a month of receiving dialysis which began mid-March, we finally started falling into a routine. We have the system down now. I keep a 'dialysis bag' on standby and just update it's contents the night before treatment according to the next day's plan.

The 'dialysis bag' is a beach bag I use to hold a myriad of comfort items, some for him, some for me and some for the kiddos. The staples are these: a blanket for him because it gets chilly while he dialyzes, ear-buds for his personal TV, meds for his snack, a hoodie for me to cuddle under while I sit in the waiting room, my kindle (thanks for hooking a girl up Marky Mark!), a magazine I keep meaning to read but can't tear myself away from my kindle long enough to read it, the family calendar, a notebook, water/juice boxes/snacks, the kids DSi's and so on.

Sitting and waiting during his treatments has been surprisingly enjoyable. It pauses the constant motion in my week for 4 hours. It allows me to escape in a book or a game, organize my to do list, take cat naps and the most fun and unexpected treat is getting familiar with the variety of interesting people that come and go from their treatments. From the names (Zeke, Ezra, Solomon) to the personalities that you would think would come straight out of one of Tyler Perry's sitcoms or movies, there has been no shortage of entertainment. The kids and I also will sometimes run errands, go to the bookstore, see a movie, or play at Chick-Fil-A's indoor playground during his treatments to give them a bit of a break because of course they get a little more stir crazy than I do, although I have been known to be a little crazy myself.

The kids have handled this amazingly well. It makes me sad sometimes when I think of how much time they have had to wait in Doctor offices. It's not fair that its normal for them to play their DSi's in their pajamas sitting on the floor in the ER room at 3:00 in the morning while their daddy evacuates the contents of his stomach through his mouth for the 2,429th time. (Sorry if you're squeamish, I tried to say it in a nice way!) And I always have to take a moment to swallow back my emotions before answering their gut-wrenching questions like Emmi's "Will my husband get sick like daddy?" or Kellan's "Is daddy going to die?".

I realize some of this sounds so dismal and depressing and honestly at times, it has been. But although in moments we have been discouraged or even distraught, we have continued to encourage one another because we believe we serve a Savior who heals and restores. Whether that will be through Doctors' hands and a kidney transplant or a miraculous turnaround doesn't matter.

We believe all we have been through from the Necrotizing Fasciitis in 2004 to the current kidney failure and other complications has been allowed for a divine purpose. Whether its to reach someone through this blog, through relationships we have established with people at the dialysis center, or for reasons yet unknown, we are thankful that God has chosen us because it means He trusts us. As fallible and human as we are, we are careful to be thankful. God has promised us so much in this life and we know we have only begun and that our latter WILL be greater!

Okay the preacher is stepping down because it's time to go fix dinner. Okay, it's really past time, but I can't help myself when I start writing; it just overtakes me! I just know how overwhelmed I was when we first started going through this process of dealing with dialysis and facing limitations. I did everything I could to scrounge up as much information possible to help my family, to adjust to my role as a caretaker and so on and maybe, just maybe this will help someone a wee little bit in some tiny small way, as well as update those we do know on how things have developed in our small world.

And as a disclaimer of sorts to anyone who may know us, I don't mean to say that my husband is now helpless. He is still as strong willed and independent as ever in many ways, however physically life has changed and it is what it is and I am just being honest about that. Voila. He has some really good days and sometimes he has some really bad days and we are living life to its fullest for whatever each day holds!

Goodwill Toward Men (Thrift Haul!)

One hundred and sixty three shopping days are left until Christmas! If you know anything about me, then you KNOW I love me some Christmas! About this time of year I drive many of my facebook friends crazy with sweet reminders of the upcoming holidays. Granted they are months AND MONTHS away, but I just can't help it!

There's something about the hot, humid 100+ degree weather in Texas that makes me want to sing Christmas carols! And the shopping bug has bitten me, my friends. I have rediscovered the joy of thrift shopping. Years ago in my college days and throughout my twenties I often hit up the Salvation Army, Goodwill and local second-hand stores. I was quite tacky with some of my fashion choices at times, but one of my thrift finds still lingers in my mind.

Back in the 90s, I found the perfect smokey blue blazer to wear over my leggings. I was looking through the men's section, thumbing through the musty menswear, trying to find something for my funky little brother and my fingers fell upon a jacket that just spoke to me. I tried it on and it fit me perfectly. I was in LOVE.  I have no idea whatever happened to what quickly became a wardrobe staple for me, but I remember it with extreme fondness.


I've been driving around town lately noticing all the Goodwill stores and got the itch to go in and see what I could find. And following blogs like this really helped to reignite my thrift-lust! So I finally stepped inside one about 2 weeks  ago and I've gone twice more since! I am SO digging getting name brand clothing that I would have paid several hundred bucks for (in total) for maybe $15 instead! I found several blouses, a pair of jeans, a dress and several knick knacks (including some Christmas goodies!!!)... for pennies people!

And now, I proudly share my Thrift Haul with you!

Girls Butterfly Skirt = $1.00
This one I didn't actually find at Goodwill, I found it at a local kids' consignment store that I frequent for my children. It's hard to tell from this pic, but it is the cutest mint green butterfly print cotton skirt that I got for $1.00 and my little girl LOVES it! I'll have to post a pic of her in it soon. 

 

Cato blouse w/built in turquoise tank = $3.99
Not striking on camera, but the colors are really pretty and it looks very summery and makes me think of the colors on the beach. It's super cute on, but I have to shrink a little to be comfy in it.



Faded Glory Sleeveless Blouse = $3.99
Okay, yes it's a Walmart brand, but it is really cute and has these strands of silver thread in it that dress it up. I don't like to wear WM brands too often, but I haven't seen anyone else with this shirt on & it's a great light summer look.

Lane Bryant Boyfriend style Jeans = $4.99

Hold on to your britches people! I can't believe I found these LB jeans at Goodwill! They are in superb condition! These would cost at least $50 bucks at the store! Terrible picture, I really need to step up my camera, the iphone shots just don't cut it.

 

Torrid Graphic Dress = $7.98
This one made me gasp. Torrid!!! It is SO cute, the back cutout is a little risque for moi, so I will wear a black cami tank underneath it (that I also got from Goodwill for only $1.99). Hubby likes this one! Wink-Wink!


 

Over-sized Christmas Mugs = $0.99 each!

These mugs are 'matching' as they are in a collection together. They are adorable and I thought they would be perfect for a Secret Sister gift with some other goodies in a basket, or maybe I just might keep them for ME!

 

Porcelain Christmas Sleigh = $0.99

This glossy white sleigh caught my eye straight out and even had a twin (which I did not purchase). I think they may have originally been used as small planters because there were some dirt crumbs in them, but I think they're a little bit teensy for that! I thought it would be ideal to hold my kitchen sponge at Christmas time so I can think Christmas-y thoughts while I'm doing the dishes!

 

Decorative Metal Planter = $0.99
This planter fit the style and colors in my kitchen and is just what I needed to replace that pink/purple/lavendar eyesore of a plant holder seen in the background of the picture.

 

Decorative Metal Urn/Vase = $0.99

This cute urn is right up my artistic hubby's alley. He is fantastic at putting together gorgeous & unique silk flower arrangements and I could just see him using this for one of his fabulous creations. So there you go honey, it's all yours!

 

Ceramic Candle Pedestal = $0.99

I LOVE this thing! It needs to be repainted or else distressed a little more, but it is going to be PERFECT for on top of my TV armoire in the living room. I love it's chunky-ness (is that a word?) and old world look!

 

So there we have it! My first thrift haul in YEARS. And let me just say, being the mom of a 6 and 8 year old, the Goodwill is the PERFECT babysitter! I gave them strict rules of staying together and a mission of finding a treasure for each of them for $1.00 or less... they found some ugly little knick knacks, but I got to shop without being disturbed and keep an eye on them at the same time! LOVES IT!!!

Those Crazy Ad People

I'm trying out the 'ad' thingy. You know, the ads that show up on my blog below the most recent blog and over there to the right of my blog.

And I guess it's somewhat random what pops up at any given minute to be advertised and I don't know how they decide what ad to relate to my blogdom.

But I have happened to notice some ads that don't represent me or my faith/beliefs. So I just wanted to mention that I don't pick the ads people. They don't necessarily represent me. But hey, if you want to click on them, don't let me stop you. Click to your hearts content!

Blog you later. :)

Summer-Time and the Livin's NOT Easy

Oh solo-me-o. I am missing my hubby. He is in the hospital. Again. I never thought I would be here. Here = the wife of an ailing man, a caretaker, a floundering mess of woman trying to re-figure out who in the world she is now because her other half has become somewhat helpless and she is now mom, dad, disciplinarian, chauffeur, chef and all the other things put into one and not keeping it as all together as she should.

I am tired. I am lonely. I am sad. I am mad. I am aggravated. I am grumpy. I am hopeful. I am faithful. I am thankful. I am quiet. I am loud. I am a diet pepsi drunkard. I am becoming a goodwill shopaholic.

15 minutes. That's all I get with him every 3-4 hours. I drive around town, looking for errands, perusing the shelves at Barnes & Noble, letting the kids play at Chic-Fil-A's indoor playground, finding treasures at Goodwill (really, I think I'm getting hooked on this one!) and then drive back to the hospital to wait around for the next 15 minute visit. 

As we were driving home tonight (we being, the kids and I), I was thinking how it's nearly mid-July and school is starting back right around the corner. There's so much I wanted to do this summer that I haven't done. So much I wanted to do with the kids that we haven't gotten to do. 

But we are trying to live it up in the perimeters we have, and do as much summerly damage as possible in the weeks we have left. We have a swim date after church Wednesday night that I intend to keep! It will be the kids' first swim of the summer. I can't wait. 

And I really can't wait until my hubby can come home from the hospital again. I love that man.

I'm Back From Outer Space!

It's been quite some time since I've blogged or even written for that matter. The last several months have been full of upheavals, challenges and at times metaphorical brick walls. It feels like we've finally fallen into somewhat of a routine again and although it's a busier one, I'll take it over the ambiguity of chaos any day.

I've steered clear of stepping foot in this writing room of mine, because spelling things out makes them more real. It becomes an 'in my face' type of situation when I transfer my thoughts into literal black and white. I can't run from my feelings here, I can't hide behind a smile, I can't shake hands firmly and say I'm fine because I just cannot hide any bit of truth when I write.

So at least for this moment, I am back.  I'm spacing my words out and hitting enter and publish again. It feels good to type it out. I love Words. 

Stones & Super Powers

I think it is SO SAD when people use facebook to 'dis' other people, ESPECIALLY when you are brothers or sisters in Christ and we should GIVE GRACE to one another rather than casting stones (saying mean things about others whether or not you use their name, most of us who know you know who you are speaking of). If you have a difference with someone, isn't it best to keep it private? Bringing other people into it (even just by viewing your words) isn't edifying anyone else & in fact can bring them into sin by causing encouragement to *gossip, *heresy & more.

I admit I am extremely imperfect. I have stuck my foot in my mouth more times than I care to recount. But intentionally, thoughtfully stating something negative about someone publicly for other people that know that someone to see or even for THAT SOMEONE to see... I just think it's so sad because you are grieving the Holy Spirit by purposefully going out of your way to go against God's Word.  The word of God says "...Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone..." (John 8:7)  No one is perfect. Everyone has faults. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has differences. But we don't have to publicize them.  Maybe instead we could pray for them or pray for ourselves in dealing with that person instead of casting stones at someone whether they are guilty or innocent of what we are stating or insinuating.

I always tell my kids that God has given them Super Powers. In God's word it says: "The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences." (Proverbs 18:21)  You have the POWER of speaking LIFE or DEATH over others. When you speak positively about someone you are speaking LIFE over them.  When you speak negatively about someone... well, you get the picture. Do you want to bless or curse others? Do you want to speak life-giving words or words of death? And do you want to deal with the consequences of speaking negatively? What do you want to reap? I want to reap Life.

Forgive me if anything I say offends you, it's not meant to provoke anyone or hurt feelings. Sometimes we just don't think before we speak... it's my personal goal to overcome the foot I've stuck in my mouth repeatedly over the years. It is not pleasant to have a mouth full of toe cheese to deal with. Seriously. So just my suggestion, and maybe God's word too... think before you speak, deal with your problems privately, pray for those that bother you, treat others as you want to be treated and speak life instead of death.

Okay I'll climb off my soapbox now, just couldn't help myself... I've seen a little too much of this lately going on and I couldn't hold my peace any longer.  Blessings to you all!

I Met a Man & He Broke My Heart

Last night was just another typical Wednesday night.  Every Wednesday we prepare an inexpensive meal for our church family and serve it at our 'Summer Cafe' an hour before service.  We didn't have time to stop for gas on the way to church, so we drove up to the door on gas fumes.  When service was over and we finished chatting with everyone, we drove to the nearest gas station. 

As I walked inside to pay the attendant, I noticed a man near the pumps.  An almost sickly thin African American man in disheveled, stained clothing held a white plastic bag in his hands and he was very carefully picking through the contents of a nearby trash can.  I did a double take and wondered if maybe he worked there and perhaps he was emptying the garbage?

When I came back outside, he had moved on to another waste can beside another gas pump.  In his white plastic bag was now a crumpled McDonald's bag.  And I realized, he did not work there.  I went back in my car and closely watched him.  He was near my husband as he was pumping gas into our car.  But this man never looked up or asked for anything.  He just continued intently peering through and moving around the contents inside the garbage cans, earnestly looking for food. And my heart broke.

We've been approached several times by people that needed help with gas money at gas stations or food money at restaurants.  And if we've had any to spare, we've shared what we had.  But this was different.  This was very obviously a homeless, hungry, desperate and yet focused man.  He was without pride digging through a garbage can to find something to feed himself.  And yet he was prideful in that he did not ask us for a thing.

I turned to my son who was sitting in the back seat and asked him to hand me the 2 leftover sandwiches from the Summer Cafe' meal that we were taking home for a late night snack.  When my husband climbed back into our car from filling up our gas tank, I asked him if he'd noticed this man.  I pointed him out and explained what I had seen.  And at that very moment, the man was dragging one of the trash cans, minus its squeegee and minus its lid which were both haphazardly left near the gas pump.  He labouringly pulled it into a dark alcove behind the building to go through its contents more thoroughly.
  

I asked my husband if we could stop and give him our leftover food.  We drove to the rear of the building and the man was going through the trash can near the dumpster.  My husband opened our car door and asked the man, 'Do you work here?'.  He replied, 'Well, sometimes.'  'Are you hungry?' my husband asked. The man shuffled his feet and said, 'Maybe.'  My husband gave him the 2 sandwiches and told them they were made fresh that evening. The man hesitantly took the sandwiches and leaned in toward my husband and asked 'What time have you got there?' My husband said '9:18'. Then the man said, 'Alright, thank ya.'  And he walked away with the sandwiches.  And my heart broke.

As we drove home, I continued thinking about this man.  I recalled the scripture about 'entertaining angels unaware', but I knew he was no angel.  It shocked me that there could be someone so desperately in need in our small community.  It saddened me that I didn't have more to give him.  It grieved me that there are people that are forced to live in this way.  It tore my heart out that I can't provide a solution for him.  For the homeless.  For the hurting.

I came home and walked through the door of our house.  Our cool, air conditioned home. With doors we can lock.  With beds we can rest in.  With bathrooms and showers to take care of our bodies in.  With extra clothes to put on our bodies and a washer and dryer to clean our clothes with. With food in our pantry and our refrigerator.  What a blessed life we live.  There are times that I think how we don't have much, and how we need so much more, but compared to this man we met tonight, we have so much more than enough.

(Note: The pictures included in this blog are not my own, I found them randomly through flikr. I attempted linking them back to their original location but had some problems doing so. I in no way am claiming these as my own photos, they are merely included in the blog to lend a visual image of sorts to the words.)

Cast Your Vote! The Pouf Vs. The Shag?

My husband turned to me with extreme sadness at our anniversary dinner the other week and said, "So the Pouf is back?"  Let me explain.  "The Pouf" is my fall back hairstyle when nothing else seems to work, and lately, NOTHING else seems to work! (See "The Pouf" in my profile pic?) I create "The Pouf" by pulling the top/front part of my hair back into "The Pouf" and secure it with bobby pins.  What? The Emo girls do it, why can't I?

I even tried to jazz it up recently by doing a side braid pouf of sorts.  Well, I thought it was cute... Anyway.  So it is nearly time for the Infamous "Pouf" to die its death.  Rest assured, it will be resurrected on occasion in those moments when I am in a hurry, or tired (translation: lazy) or just feeling reminiscent of my good old standby hairstyle.  Oh Poufy Pouf, I'm gonna miss you!

So here's where I need YOUR HELP! I've got to pick a new Do! Below are my choices and as you can see, I'm definitely going for a Shag style.  I NEVER have bangs higher than my jaw line, so if I opt for one of the shorter banged styles, it will be new territory for me.  I haven't worn bangs since I was a kid!  

Place your votes! Which one should I go with?  I just CAN'T decide!

1. The Ashlee Simpson Shag 

2. The Emo Pixie Shag

3. The Hot Blonde Shag

4. The Wild Crazy Life of Its Own Shag

5. The Twilight Shag

Mon Anniversaire Mesaventures

Got ready for a hot date with my love.

Cleaned up puppy poop.

Friends watched Kids (sleepover) so Hubby & I could celebrate 9 year anniversary.

Ate at Tokyo Japanese Steak House.

Seated with backwoods people that surely must have been extras from the movie 'The Hills Have Eyes'.

Laughed at people.

Went to Goodwill.

Laughed at Goodwill undies on sale.

Went to Coffee Shop & ate the Good, the Bad, & the Delicious.

Laughed at ourselves.

Went to Redbox & picked up some movies.

Went home. Watched 1 and 1/2 movies.

Cleaned up puppy poop.

Friends called at 1:30 AM.

5 y/o not sleeping & crying for mommy. (Similar melt down shown here.)

Drove 45 minutes to pick up kids who were happily eating cereal, drawing & watching TV when we arrived. At 2:15 AM.

Laughed at our kids.

Drove 43 minutes back towards home & 3 blocks from our house we drove over an out of commission railroad track and blew a tire on our totaled car.

Went bumpity-bump-bump 3 blocks home and parked our hop-a-long car at 3:12 AM.

Laughed at our car.

Tucked kids in bed & finished 2nd movie.

Cleaned up puppy poop.

Happy 9 years darling.

Win an iPad? Save A Life!

Who doesn't want a chance to win an iPad?  This my friends, is a chance to do something noble and possibly even get an iPad out of it! Sounds like a win-win to me! 

Let me introduce you to my friend Traci, with whom I went to grade school through high school back in my shy, youthful days.  I spent the night at her house once when I was in elementary school and then I called my mommy to come and take me home because her big sis was watching a movie that scared me.  Ahhhh memories.

Anywho, Traci is a wonderful mom of several beautiful children including a 10 year old little girl named Ashlyn who happens to have Downs Syndrome.  I've followed Traci's blog for months now and love getting to know Ashlyn and the rest of her family through colorful pictures and the funny, endearing anecdotes that Traci shares. 

~Ashlyn~

Traci and her family desparately want to adopt another very special little girl with Downs Syndrome, Anastasia.  Anastasia is 5 years old and lives in an orphanage in Eastern Europe in not the best conditions and without OUR intervention will very probably be transferred to an insane asylum where she will likely be treated in animalistic conditions and the factual odds are that she will die there because of this.

~Anastasia~

Who wouldn't want to save this precious life?  And I can't think of a better family, a more loving mother for this little girl to grow up with than my friend Traci.  So I am joining in and putting a shout out for help!  Please, give up a week worth of eating out and put the money you would spend on your priveledged American belly and click below to help save this beautiful baby!

~Your Priveledged American Belly~

You can read more indepth details about Anastasia in Traci's blog here.  iPad contest rules are as follows: Every time you donate $5.00 your name is put in the iPad drawing.  BUT, every time you donate $25.00, your name is put in 25 TIMES to win the iPad!  Those are good odds, people!!! Come on, let's save Princess Anastasia!!!!

CLICK ON ANASTASIA's PIC BELOW & DONATE!!!

Grab This!

Our new Poop, I mean Pup.

Meet our new puppy Gus!  Isn't he a sweetie?  We have totally fallen in love with him.

It's been nearly 20 years since I had a dog & I have soooo missed it.  My hubby has dog/cat allergies, but we found one that doesn't seem to bother him the way most others do, although I think I may have scared him into getting the pup b/c I always joked if anything ever 'happens' to my hubby the first thing I will do is go out and get a dog!  The last couple of months he's been researching what kind of dog he might be able to tolerate & Eureeka! We found the Cairn Terrier.

Being that it's been 20 years since I've been a puppy's master, I had totally forgotten all about the hard work of breaking in a puppy.  Its been about 3 years since I potty trained my youngest child and doggies are different than babies in that they deposit their lovelies at any given spot & any given moment.  Voila, puppy poopy surprise!

Have I mentioned that Hubby can't feel his feet due to some nerve damage from surgeries + his diabetes?  Well, puppy went missing for 5 minutes, so hubby went to find him.  Moments later, he bellowed from the bathroom in agony!  I jumped up & ran to the rescue and  there he was with one foot in the air and lovely puppy poop all over the bottom of it! He had accidentally stepped in some puppy poop and tracked it all over the bathroom floor & rugs before even realizing it was on his foot b/c he couldn't feel it!  I of course who  always laugh at the wrong times immediately exploded into laughter!

Hopefully it won't take long to get Gus going right, if you know what I mean!

I Have Super Powers!

I'm featuring a 'guest blogger' today! Meet Susan Wilson!  We went to high school together a year or two apart I think.  I remember her as a very sweet girl, more of an acquaintance than a buddy, I guess because of our grade difference and social setting. Now we're all grown up and I'm one of her Facebook friends.  Aren't social networks great?  I love stalking other peoples lives via FB and catching up through photos and reading amusing statuses.  Susan posted a note on FB the other day (the blog I'm featuring today) and it resounded with me majorly.  I could have almost written the same words myself because I believe so strongly in the what she so eloquently wrote.  

You've heard the phrases 'choose your words wisely' and 'what's in a word'?  I know the power of words.  And I think that's why 'words' (writing) has become so important to me.  According to the Bible, there is power of life and death in the words that we speak. 

Proverbs 18:21 

• Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it (for death or life). ~ (Amplified Bible)
• Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit - you choose. ~ (The Message)

I don't touch on or go too deeply into certain areas of my background very often because it is painful and a bit revealing, but I am a product of a home that had some definite dysfunction going on.  And if you knew me very, very well growing up, you might possibly have known that secret, but probably didn't.  We hid it well.  Our family motto was like the Vegas slogan.  We literally were told 'What happens at home, stays at home'.

Even now, it's extremely awkward for me to share this because I almost feel as if I'm betraying my family.  But let's be honest family, what happened, happened.  And we were affected.  I never faced any physical abuse myself, but there was definite verbal and emotional damage done over the course of my lifetime.  And to this day I battle inwardly with words that were spoken or yelled or cursed at me and have lingered and echoed in my head for many years.  And I am 1.5 years away from turning 40.

Let me also say that I love this person.  This person that said these things.  For years.  For hours at a time.  These occurrences were as far away as I can remember into my formative pre-pre-teen years.  And as close as just a year ago.  I love this person, and I continue to work on this relationship at a slow pace, with pauses and sometimes with fear and dread.  And sometimes I become paralyzed for a little while and don't know how to communicate.  And sometimes I swallow very hard and pick up the phone and call this person.  And tell them that I love them.  And speak life over them.  Because I do.  I love them.  And I want them to live, in the fullest meaning of that word.

That's why it has become so important to me to choose my words carefully before I speak.  Before I discipline my children. Before I disagree with anyone.  Before I say something about somebody else or even about myself. Because just as in the Message version of Proverbs 18:21 (above), I must make a choice each time I open my mouth.  Am I going to give life to someone?  Or am I going to give death? 

And there's a flip side to that as well!  In regards to the words that were spoken over me.  Those words that linger in my head and torment the way I think about myself.  Now that I recognize what was happening to me, that death was being spoken over me, that my thoughts and my perception of who I am was being poisoned, I have to repose those questions.  Am I going to choose life and redefine who I am according to what God's word says?  Or am I going to choose death and accept the curses that were spoken over me?  It may be a daily struggle I face, but daily... daily I must face the words in my head and I must choose life.  I am who God says I am.  I am above and not beneath, I am the head and not the tail, I am blessed and not cursed!  

And today, I choose to use this Super Power that God has given me.  I choose to speak life over my husband, my children, my family, my friends, and yes dear reader, YOU!  Whether you believe in prayer or God or the power of words or not, know that you have been covered in it today.  May you be blessed today and know the power of your words! 

That's A Real Shame.

~By Susan Wilson.

In raising my children, I often think of how things were done when I was growing up. There was a phrase that was used and I heard one of my children's grandparents begin to use it with my son. I had to stop it. Something within me rose up and had to bring truth into light.

Do you remember the phrase, "shame on you"? When has shame ever been a good motivation for change or repentance? The Word says that it is the love of the Lord that leads men to repentance. Not trying to place shame on us. The real shame is when we deny His great Love for us and fail to receive what he has extended and paid the ultimate price for us to have.

So I ask, what is Shame?

- a painful emotion resulting from an awareness of inadequacy or guilt.

- a state of dishonor.

Webster says

- a painful sensation excited by a consciousness of guilt or impropriety, or of having done something which injures reputation, or of the exposure of that which nature or modesty prompts us to conceal.

- reproach incurred or suffered; dishonor; ignominy; derision; contempt.

- the cause or reason of shame; that which brings reproach, and degrades a person in the estimation of others; disgrace.

As a verb

- to cover with reproach or ignominy; to dishonor; to disgrace.

- to mock at; to deride.

I have found that words have creative power. I took great care when looking at names for my children. In the Old Testament, names had a destiny attached to them. Words have meaning and many times we use words that we ourselves cannot define well.

There are many things I am still learning, but I do know this: we are to speak life and destiny over our children. The words we use with ourselves and one another carry weight here and in eternity. We will be held accountable for the words we use and at times, don't use.

In disciplining and training our children, we need to help them see that they are children of the Father, their identity is in Him. When they mess up, they don't cease to be our children or His. They simply make a poor choice and we can set them up for success or failure in the words we use with them.

So, instead of saying, "shame on you" I have sought the Lord about what to say. I have said, "I will always love you no matter what you do. You just made a bad choice and now you will suffer the consequence for that action. But you are still a good boy/girl." To be honest this started back with our first puppy, Curtis. One of our parents said, "Bad Dog!" I followed quickly with, "No, good dog, did a bad thing." Funny as that sounds, there is truth to it.

I am still trying to separate my "who" from my "do". I pray my children will not struggle as I have. Shame is a hard thing to shake at times and has been part of the reason many people who have been abused suffer for years afterward. But I happen to know that "He bore our griefs and shame". I am forever grateful. Every need and weakness I learn about myself, I find His all sufficient Grace is there yet again. He made provision for things I have only recently learned to ask for. That is my God. He is amazing.

Romans 15:3 "For even Christ pleased not himself; but, as it is written, The reproaches of them that reproached thee fell on me."

Thanks Susan!

Because Inquiring Minds Want to Know!

Recently my inquisitive kiddos have been firing off alot of questions.  Some of their inquiries have made me laugh, some have caused me to reflect and generate questions of my own and others have totally confused me!  I thought I'd share a few of them with you for today's entertainment.  Enjoy!

Am I supposed to be at school right now?  

(Kellan, leaning over my bed at 9:30 a.m. one day)

Will you smell my finger? 
(Emmi, to Donnie while I was at work)

Is THAT your chin? 

(Kellan, pointing to my neck as I was looking down at him)

Why did God make us?  

(Emmi, while she was in the hospital)

Will that dress look good on her boobs? 

(Kellan, to Emmi as they were playing with Emmi's barbies) 

Can I have a mayonnaise and jelly sandwich? 

(Emmi, waking up for one of her midnight snacks)

When I grow up to be a daddy, can I still live with you? 

(Kellan, planning his future)

Can I just eat this string? 

(Emmi, after finding a string on a table)

Agreeing to Disagree

It was only 6 years ago that I sat anxiously waiting to hear the results of my husband's first, of many, life changing surgeries.  I was 4 months pregnant at the time with my little girl.  My husband, who was only 35 years old at the time, had been sick for 5 weeks, misdiagnosed 4 times and was literally near death before we finally saw a surgeon who realized that his body was being ravaged by the flesh eating disease, Necrotizing Fasciitis. 

Of course my emotions were all over the place since I was expecting my daughter Emelia.  I had been nursing my husband for the last several weeks, seeing him deteriorate and not getting any answers from multiple appointments with varying Doctors and at the same time taking care of my 2 year old son and filling in for my husband in his position at our church.  I was a wreck.  And I was angry.  I was SO MAD at God that my husband was so ill and that I might lose him and be left alone to raise my son & my soon to be born daughter.  I was livid with Him that He would give me a gift (my baby girl to be born) & be taking away my husband at the same time.  It was devastating to even think of it.

But over the next 2 months and multiple surgeries, my husband began to slowly recover.  His life was preserved; he was able to come home and build his strength back up and become a father to our little girl.  In the years since, he has had several additional infections including MRSA, a total of 16 surgeries (including the amputation of both his great toes), and multiple complications that have become a normal part of our daily lives. 

My little girl is now 5 1/2 going on 32 years old.  She is full of sass and has a hilarious sense of humor and perfect timing for her witty remarks.  She is full of energy, high maintenance, and exhausting.  She also has eczema and asthma and we cannot seem to control her scratching or itching no matter what prescription lotions or treatments we try (please don't suggest anything, we've literally seen, heard & done IT ALL).  And just a few weeks ago, we were in the hospital, anxiously waiting at 4:30 a.m. in the Family Holding room for her Dr to let us know how the surgery went.

In those moments I found my mind back in that first consult room 6 years earlier, waiting for my husband's surgeon to come out and tell me if we had waited any longer my husband would have been dead and that he wasn't out of the woods yet.  I was terrified when he told me that.  But it didn’t even BEGIN to compare with the horror I felt inside at the thought of my daughter having to endure surgeries comparative to what my husband had gone through.  After that moment of flashing back, I informed God that if He took me through all of that back then just to lose my daughter now, I was going to be SO MAD at Him!

Of course, she is fine.  Of course, it was just one finger infected, not an entire limb.  Of course, I WAS overreacting to the situation.  Of course, the Doctor is the best hand surgeon in the area and absolutely knows what he is doing.  Of course, the anesthesiologist has had years of experience dealing with people that have eaten only a few short hours before an emergency surgery.  And yet as the time crept by I became more anxious.  Maybe it’s because I know what can happen; I’ve seen ugly infection and ugly results. 

And I know, I KNOW that anyone can analytically reason things out that we came to the hospital at the perfect hour to have the perfect Doctor operate at the pivotal time for my daughter.  Anyone can mock my faith and my beliefs and my practices and my values.  Anyone can say whatever they want to, but I know what truth is.  And truth is that God prepared us for that moment.  We knew what signs to look for: the swelling, discoloration and streaking.  We knew because we had been through that with my husband’s infections numerous times.  He prepared us by giving us the knowledge through my husband’s experiences.  He designated that Doctor to be available to operate on my daughter. And now, her finger is fine, her hand is fine and the scars are barely visible.

There are people out there that will attribute my daughter’s recovery to the Doctor’s aggressive response to infection.  There are people that will say it’s due to the Doctor’s training, our wisdom and coincidences of time/place/convenience.  But I know that my sovereign God intervened on our behalf.  And although I am thankful for the Doctor and the education he received to enable him to give my daughter the appropriate care, I am more so thankful to my God for keeping His hand on my daughter’s life, for ordaining each moment and each step of our lives.  I am thankful for great medical care and we followed through (as always) on the Doctor’s advice, but ultimately it is to God I give the glory of keeping my precious baby girl safe and sound and healed.

And to those that disagree, I respect your opinion and I value your input, but in times like these we will just have to agree to disagree.

Whodunit Take 2!

Here's another game of Whodunit to boggle your mind and sharpen your detective skills! (See the last Whodunit here!)

Saturday: The life-sized Barbie was given a permanent marker beauty treatment of eyeshadow, lip gloss & finger nails all in goth-black.

Sunday: Cotton was plucked from the tops of Q-tips just for their scalps to be brazenly thrown all over the floor.  Then the Q-tips were maliciously tortured by being sliced in half and collected in a wallet-photo-sized black mesh-fabric bag.

This Morning: A fleur de lis was inked on a small left arm to mimic daddy's new tattoo.

This Afternoon: Bandaids were found lovingly applied to the living room lamps.

Tonight: Orange juice was squirted all over the kitchen floor, just to 'make it shiny'.

The Ultimate Woman

I am working on making some big changes in my life.  Things that require learned discipline, tried practice and painstaking effort.  I'm seeing changes, I'm noticing differences and it's exciting, but it's still difficult.  I have a long road ahead of me, but I'm positive I can get to where I want to be.  I know I can.  It's funny how working on one part of yourself can inspire you to work on other parts of you too.

"I am a work in progress" is one of my common statements about myself.  I see more than anyone else (except maybe my husband... and God) the many flaws that I carry.  My imperfections, my challenges, my inconsistencies... ugh.  Sometimes it's just downright depressing to think of all that needs to be changed, tweaked & adjusted in my life!  And so sometimes (okay, a lot of times) I run the other way and pretend those issues aren't even there.  But of course, they are.

Besides, this time of year always places me in a pensive state of mind.  Between reminiscing about my mom and thinking of my own role as a mother and how I'm doing at that job, I've got a ton of things swirling through my head.  I think about the kind of mother, the kind of woman I'd like to be and how I've never really set goals to become that woman, because I've always felt extremely inadequate.  

I think about the passage in Proverbs 31 and the Biblical definition of a woman, wife and mother that it gives. Honestly, I have avoided that passage of scripture as much as possible over the years, reading it only on rare occasion and then banishing it from my reading list for sometimes years at a time.  

Proverbs 31:10-30 (The Message)

A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing. She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises. 

She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day. She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden. First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. 

She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor. She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks. Her husband is greatly respected hen he deliberates with the city fathers. She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops. Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile. 

When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive. Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: "Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!" Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.

When I think of that specific passage of scripture, it always makes me think of an old friend.  I remember how she posted these scriptures in her room and talked to me about her desperation to be 'that woman' described in those words.  She and I are not as close as we once were, but from my view on the outside looking in, she seems to have succeeded at many of those qualities.  I can tell that she has committed herself to her dream of becoming that woman.  It's glaringly obvious and simply evident from the details of her life that she measures herself against those words.  And in my opinion, she has done very well at meeting those goals.  

Me? Not so much.  But now that I'm all grown up and admittedly rather behind the ball on this one... I think I've got to do something about this.  I'm not satisfied with who I am: as a mother, as a wife, as a friend, as a sister or even as a daughter.  There are days I am a huge stubborn fear-filled piece of work. There is so much more I can be, so much more I can become.  Now, I'm not saying I'm going to start sewing and making my own clothes or getting up before dawn (God forbid!)... but I think you get the idea.

I'm sharing this today so I can come back here and remind myself of this goal.  So I can stop playing hide and seek with who I want to be and actually find that woman through hard work and discipline and extreme efforts. I have a long road ahead of me, but I'm positive I can get to where I want to be.  I know I can.

The Great Pizza Fiasco!

*I am currently experimenting with my foods & discovering the wonders of Cauliflower!  I even made a Faux Mashed Potatoes w/Cauliflower the other night!  Here is my latest & greatest attempt at creating something grand (and healthy) in the kitchen. Enjoy!


Okay, so I am definitely not the 'chef' of the family. That title belongs to my husband & I generally stay of his way as he does his magic & then I clean the dishes after!  However, I've been snooping through the some recipes and finally became brave enough to attempt the INFAMOUS CAULIFLOWER PIZZA.  I SO should have captured this on video.

Imagine if you will, ME in the kitchen with half a head of cauliflower & a grater.  Can you hear the theme song to JAWS?  You would THINK that this is a simple task, but DON'T BE FOOLED!  I nearly scraped my fingerprints off!  After a long and arduous go at shredding the cauliflower into teeny tiny slivers (and most likely a few slices of MY flesh), I finally was able to add the cheese & spices to mix my soon to be pizza crust together. 

Then I prepared my sauce, my toppings (yellow pepper & canadian bacon) & made a beautiful, cannibal, cauliflower pizza & popped it in the oven and waited.  I checked the pizza 15 minutes later and it was soggy.  WHAT IN THE WORLD?  I checked it after another 10 minutes and it was STILL soft! 

What did I do wrong?  I re-read the directions and realized... I did NOT prebake my crust before adding the toppings!  UGH!  So, you live & you learn right?  I ate my tasty super soggy pizza and decided due to my technical difficulties, I will probably NEVER make it again.  At least not without a food processor!

Fast forward 2 days later (tonight), and I put the other half in the oven to heat up for my dinner and found it was TOTAL MUSH upon checking it 10 minutes later.  So I got out a sheet of foil, splatted the 'pizza' cafeteria style by 4 spatula fulls of goopy pizza-like masses, put it back in the pan on the foil and baked it another 15 minutes. 

The outcome?  Upside-Down Pizza Casserole that was half stuck to the foil (because of course I failed to spray the foil with Pam!)...  But it was actually more firm than the first night I had it and even tastier to eat... even though 1/4 of it I couldn't scrape from the foil... So, there it is.  My attempt at the Cauliflower Pizza.  May it rest in peace.  (See Recipe below.)

(This pic is borrowed from the lady I got the recipe from.)

Cauliflower crust:
1/2 head of fresh, raw, grated cauliflower
2 c. low fat, low moisture part-skim mozarella
2 tsp. garlic (I used chopped garlic from a jar)
1 tsp. Mrs. Dash. (I used Tony's instead)

Mix the ingredients together and spread out on a pizza tray sprayed with pam. Bake at 425 degrees for 15 minutes. Flip pizza crust over when done & add your choice of toppings. (Mine are below.)

Pizza Toppings:

1/2 c. Hunt's No Sugar Added Italian Style Sauce 

(or you can make your own low sugar sauce, some people do that)
1/2 c. yellow pepper
1/2 c. mushrooms
1/2 c. mozzarella
18 slices of turkey pepperoni or canadian bacon. Bake at 425 for 10 more minutes or until its cooked to your liking. Cool for 10 minutes before serving. 

Note: The crust does not come out as firm as a normal pizza; if you use a pizza stone it will help.