Monday, December 12, 2011

Christmas Treasures

Christmas time is here! Our favorite time of year! I just finished reading Emmi 'The Night Before Christmas'. Last night it was Donnie's turn to read it. And every day, I mean EVERY DAY, she tells us how many days there are left until Christmas! So the countdown is definitely on and both the kids are extremely excited about Christmas this year, but I have to admit Donnie and I are too!

Living Room Tree
After Donnie being ill through the holidays last year and being so full of worry, anxiety and fear during a time we would normally be celebrating with friends or family, this year we have definitely been looking forward to Christmas with so much excitement. Last year on Christmas day we were at the ER with the kids sitting on the floor of the hospital playing with one of their new toys and no Christmas dinner to enjoy. This year, with dialysis helping maintain Donnie's health, we can't wait for Christmas day. Did I mention we're excited about Christmas this year? Because WE ARE!! :)

Emmi's Tree

AND we are so very thankful to be able to have another holiday together. Going through illness or seeing someone you love battling illness along with anxiety and fear makes you not want to take one moment for granted. Every day is full of treasured moments and we love to enjoy the simple moments of living life together. Hugs, kisses and holding hands with my babies and my sweet husband still daily bring tears to my eyes. We are truly a blessed family! 
Kellan's Tree

Friday, August 26, 2011

School's In!

Today ends week 1 of back to school for my kiddos. Kellan has entered 3rd grade and Emelia is in 1st. Here is a snapshot of their first week of school.

The first day of school when I picked Kellan up I was there 15 minutes early and had to wait about 30 minutes altogether before he was in the car. He was red, hot and grumpy. I was asking him questions about his first day and all I got were angry one word answers! I started laughing and asked him why he was so grumpy with me? It was because he had to sit out in the heat for SO LONG and thought I was late in picking him up. Then I showed him the line of cars STILL waiting to get their kids from school as we drove down the road and he chuckled and said ummmm Sorry!

Kellan really likes his teacher and thinks she is funny. He's very glad some of his friends are in his class and he's already making new friends too. He still is a little shy at recess and kind of sticks to being on his own there. He wants me to make him a lunch kit sometimes instead of going through the cafeteria line and he loved that he didn't have any homework the first week. I kind of liked that too!

When Emmi got in the car the first day after school, she immediately told me how pretty her teacher was, detailing the black and white blouse she had on, her black high heels and the way her hair was held back in a partial pony tail and then flowed down her back with the rest of her hair and its really, REALLY long. She talked NON-STOP from the moment she got in the car until we were tucking her in bed and I am not exaggerating. Apparently, returning back to school agrees with her.

Except for the mornings that is. Hello Meltdown City. Screams, tears, cries, snot and stomping were heard throughout the house on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday due to her OCD sensory issues. Her shoes don't feel right and her jeans are too tight. I was TRYING to wait until it got cooler to buy her more jeans and THOUGHT her last 3 pairs would make it until then (she just tried them on 2 weeks ago and they still fit then!). But it looks like we have to go shopping which my account will not like but SHE will LOVE. 
 
OH! And she informed me last night that a young man in her class by the name of "Wade" put his arm around her at the car ramp on Wednesday afternoon. WHAT??? She giggled and said she told him to stop twice before he moved his arm. I looked at Donnie and said ummm, aren't 1st graders too young to be making moves? And then I had a flashback of myself in kindergarten chasing the boys in the playground trying to make them kiss me. And I guess, well, maybe it's not.
 And last but not least, THIS is the kids first day of school pic. I forgot to take one that morning so I made them pose by the door when they got in from school, trying to make them smile and be happy for the camera. Perfect! I think I'm in love.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Life As We Know It

Just before Thanksgiving last year, my family of 4 was out celebrating my daughter's 6th birthday with dinner, bowling and cupcakes at a local bakery. My husband commented to me several times that evening that he wasn't feeling good. We didn't realize at the time, but he was beginning to have symptoms that were leading him into septic shock from an infection we had no idea was anything serious until it was too late.
A little over a week later he was in the hospital facing kidney failure. It just seemed to come out of nowhere, because his regular bloodwork with his PCP showed no signs of kidney issues whatsoever. Over the next several months we made many trips to varying doctors, weekly ER visits which turned into hospital stays, and then follow ups with specialists all of which included a lot of life-changing, sobering news.

Kidney failure. You don't know how devastating those words were to me. You see, Polycystic Kidney Disease is a prevalent destroyer of my family's kidneys. My mom, my aunt and my oldest brother have had kidney transplants due to PKD. My uncle, my younger brother and 2 of my cousins have passed away from the disease and its complications. So to find out that my husband was in renal failure when he has never had kidney problems before completely rocked my world.
Along with the kidney failure, the sepsis also caused his vision to basically be permanently damaged with virtually no hope of correction by glasses or other methods. The doctor actually told him he could use binoculars to help with watching TV, but then if he does that too much he would damage his peripheral vision which he still has. He has to magnify most everything to be able to read and he has to sit right in front of the TV to see, which is where we tell our kids NOT to sit or they'll go blind. What an ironic turnabout!

In some ways the vision loss has been just as devastating to him as the kidney failure. Without his normal vision, he can't see well enough to read music charts to learn or teach new music to our Praise Team. I have to help read menus to him when we go out to eat. I have to read and respond to his text messages for him, fix his insulin and other medications, etc. The kids or I sometimes have to guide him when we're walking outside because he can't see what is in his path. It has been a major blow to his ego & pride to become somewhat helpless in these areas and especially frustrating that he can't improve his vision quality.

So life as we know it has definitely changed. It has been a roller coaster of emotions with some ups and a lot of downs. After about a month of receiving dialysis which began mid-March, we finally started falling into a routine. We have the system down now. I keep a 'dialysis bag' on standby and just update it's contents the night before treatment according to the next day's plan.

The 'dialysis bag' is a beach bag I use to hold a myriad of comfort items, some for him, some for me and some for the kiddos. The staples are these: a blanket for him because it gets chilly while he dialyzes, ear-buds for his personal TV, meds for his snack, a hoodie for me to cuddle under while I sit in the waiting room, my kindle (thanks for hooking a girl up Marky Mark!), a magazine I keep meaning to read but can't tear myself away from my kindle long enough to read it, the family calendar, a notebook, water/juice boxes/snacks, the kids DSi's and so on.

Sitting and waiting during his treatments has been surprisingly enjoyable. It pauses the constant motion in my week for 4 hours. It allows me to escape in a book or a game, organize my to do list, take cat naps and the most fun and unexpected treat is getting familiar with the variety of interesting people that come and go from their treatments. From the names (Zeke, Ezra, Solomon) to the personalities that you would think would come straight out of one of Tyler Perry's sitcoms or movies, there has been no shortage of entertainment. The kids and I also will sometimes run errands, go to the bookstore, see a movie, or play at Chick-Fil-A's indoor playground during his treatments to give them a bit of a break because of course they get a little more stir crazy than I do, although I have been known to be a little crazy myself.

The kids have handled this amazingly well. It makes me sad sometimes when I think of how much time they have had to wait in Doctor offices. It's not fair that its normal for them to play their DSi's in their pajamas sitting on the floor in the ER room at 3:00 in the morning while their daddy evacuates the contents of his stomach through his mouth for the 2,429th time. (Sorry if you're squeamish, I tried to say it in a nice way!) And I always have to take a moment to swallow back my emotions before answering their gut-wrenching questions like Emmi's "Will my husband get sick like daddy?" or Kellan's "Is daddy going to die?".

I realize some of this sounds so dismal and depressing and honestly at times, it has been. But although in moments we have been discouraged or even distraught, we have continued to encourage one another because we believe we serve a Savior who heals and restores. Whether that will be through Doctors' hands and a kidney transplant or a miraculous turnaround doesn't matter.

We believe all we have been through from the Necrotizing Fasciitis in 2004 to the current kidney failure and other complications has been allowed for a divine purpose. Whether its to reach someone through this blog, through relationships we have established with people at the dialysis center, or for reasons yet unknown, we are thankful that God has chosen us because it means He trusts us. As fallible and human as we are, we are careful to be thankful. God has promised us so much in this life and we know we have only begun and that our latter WILL be greater!


Okay the preacher is stepping down because it's time to go fix dinner. Okay, it's really past time, but I can't help myself when I start writing; it just overtakes me! I just know how overwhelmed I was when we first started going through this process of dealing with dialysis and facing limitations. I did everything I could to scrounge up as much information possible to help my family, to adjust to my role as a caretaker and so on and maybe, just maybe this will help someone a wee little bit in some tiny small way, as well as update those we do know on how things have developed in our small world.

And as a disclaimer of sorts to anyone who may know us, I don't mean to say that my husband is now helpless. He is still as strong willed and independent as ever in many ways, however physically life has changed and it is what it is and I am just being honest about that. Voila. He has some really good days and sometimes he has some really bad days and we are living life to its fullest for whatever each day holds!




Friday, July 15, 2011

Goodwill Toward Men (Thrift Haul!)

One hundred and sixty three shopping days are left until Christmas! If you know anything about me, then you KNOW I love me some Christmas! About this time of year I drive many of my facebook friends crazy with sweet reminders of the upcoming holidays. Granted they are months AND MONTHS away, but I just can't help it!

There's something about the hot, humid 100+ degree weather in Texas that makes me want to sing Christmas carols! And the shopping bug has bitten me, my friends. I have rediscovered the joy of thrift shopping. Years ago in my college days and throughout my twenties I often hit up the Salvation Army, Goodwill and local second-hand stores. I was quite tacky with some of my fashion choices at times, but one of my thrift finds still lingers in my mind.

Back in the 90s, I found the perfect smokey blue blazer to wear over my leggings. I was looking through the men's section, thumbing through the musty menswear, trying to find something for my funky little brother and my fingers fell upon a jacket that just spoke to me. I tried it on and it fit me perfectly. I was in LOVE.  I have no idea whatever happened to what quickly became a wardrobe staple for me, but I remember it with extreme fondness.


I've been driving around town lately noticing all the Goodwill stores and got the itch to go in and see what I could find. And following blogs like this really helped to reignite my thrift-lust! So I finally stepped inside one about 2 weeks  ago and I've gone twice more since! I am SO digging getting name brand clothing that I would have paid several hundred bucks for (in total) for maybe $15 instead! I found several blouses, a pair of jeans, a dress and several knick knacks (including some Christmas goodies!!!)... for pennies people!

And now, I proudly share my Thrift Haul with you!

Girls Butterfly Skirt = $1.00
This one I didn't actually find at Goodwill, I found it at a local kids' consignment store that I frequent for my children. It's hard to tell from this pic, but it is the cutest mint green butterfly print cotton skirt that I got for $1.00 and my little girl LOVES it! I'll have to post a pic of her in it soon. 

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Cato blouse w/built in turquoise tank = $3.99
Not striking on camera, but the colors are really pretty and it looks very summery and makes me think of the colors on the beach. It's super cute on, but I have to shrink a little to be comfy in it.

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Faded Glory Sleeveless Blouse = $3.99
Okay, yes it's a Walmart brand, but it is really cute and has these strands of silver thread in it that dress it up. I don't like to wear WM brands too often, but I haven't seen anyone else with this shirt on & it's a great light summer look.


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Lane Bryant Boyfriend style Jeans = $4.99
Hold on to your britches people! I can't believe I found these LB jeans at Goodwill! They are in superb condition! These would cost at least $50 bucks at the store! Terrible picture, I really need to step up my camera, the iphone shots just don't cut it.

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Torrid Graphic Dress = $7.98
This one made me gasp. Torrid!!! It is SO cute, the back cutout is a little risque for moi, so I will wear a black cami tank underneath it (that I also got from Goodwill for only $1.99). Hubby likes this one! Wink-Wink!


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Over-sized Christmas Mugs = $0.99 each!
These mugs are 'matching' as they are in a collection together. They are adorable and I thought they would be perfect for a Secret Sister gift with some other goodies in a basket, or maybe I just might keep them for ME!

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Porcelain Christmas Sleigh = $0.99
This glossy white sleigh caught my eye straight out and even had a twin (which I did not purchase). I think they may have originally been used as small planters because there were some dirt crumbs in them, but I think they're a little bit teensy for that! I thought it would be ideal to hold my kitchen sponge at Christmas time so I can think Christmas-y thoughts while I'm doing the dishes!

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Decorative Metal Planter = $0.99
This planter fit the style and colors in my kitchen and is just what I needed to replace that pink/purple/lavendar eyesore of a plant holder seen in the background of the picture.

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Decorative Metal Urn/Vase = $0.99
This cute urn is right up my artistic hubby's alley. He is fantastic at putting together gorgeous & unique silk flower arrangements and I could just see him using this for one of his fabulous creations. So there you go honey, it's all yours!

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Ceramic Candle Pedestal = $0.99
I LOVE this thing! It needs to be repainted or else distressed a little more, but it is going to be PERFECT for on top of my TV armoire in the living room. I love it's chunky-ness (is that a word?) and old world look!

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So there we have it! My first thrift haul in YEARS. And let me just say, being the mom of a 6 and 8 year old, the Goodwill is the PERFECT babysitter! I gave them strict rules of staying together and a mission of finding a treasure for each of them for $1.00 or less... they found some ugly little knick knacks, but I got to shop without being disturbed and keep an eye on them at the same time! LOVES IT!!!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Summer-Time and the Livin's NOT Easy

Oh solo-me-o. I am missing my hubby. He is in the hospital. Again. I never thought I would be here. Here = the wife of an ailing man, a caretaker, a floundering mess of woman trying to re-figure out who in the world she is now because her other half has become somewhat helpless and she is now mom, dad, disciplinarian, chauffeur, chef and all the other things put into one and not keeping it as all together as she should.

I am tired. I am lonely. I am sad. I am mad. I am aggravated. I am grumpy. I am hopeful. I am faithful. I am thankful. I am quiet. I am loud. I am a diet pepsi drunkard. I am becoming a goodwill shopaholic.

15 minutes. That's all I get with him every 3-4 hours. I drive around town, looking for errands, perusing the shelves at Barnes & Noble, letting the kids play at Chic-Fil-A's indoor playground, finding treasures at Goodwill (really, I think I'm getting hooked on this one!) and then drive back to the hospital to wait around for the next 15 minute visit. 

As we were driving home tonight (we being, the kids and I), I was thinking how it's nearly mid-July and school is starting back right around the corner. There's so much I wanted to do this summer that I haven't done. So much I wanted to do with the kids that we haven't gotten to do. 

But we are trying to live it up in the perimeters we have, and do as much summerly damage as possible in the weeks we have left. We have a swim date after church Wednesday night that I intend to keep! It will be the kids' first swim of the summer. I can't wait. 

And I really can't wait until my hubby can come home from the hospital again. I love that man.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

I'm Back From Outer Space!

It's been quite some time since I've blogged or even written for that matter. The last several months have been full of upheavals, challenges and at times metaphorical brick walls. It feels like we've finally fallen into somewhat of a routine again and although it's a busier one, I'll take it over the ambiguity of chaos any day.

I've steered clear of stepping foot in this writing room of mine, because spelling things out makes them more real. It becomes an 'in my face' type of situation when I transfer my thoughts into literal black and white. I can't run from my feelings here, I can't hide behind a smile, I can't shake hands firmly and say I'm fine because I just cannot hide any bit of truth when I write.

So at least for this moment, I am back.  I'm spacing my words out and hitting enter and publish again. It feels good to type it out. I love Words. 

Stones & Super Powers

I think it is SO SAD when people use facebook to 'dis' other people, ESPECIALLY when you are brothers or sisters in Christ and we should GIVE GRACE to one another rather than casting stones (saying mean things about others whether or not you use their name, most of us who know you know who you are speaking of). If you have a difference with someone, isn't it best to keep it private? Bringing other people into it (even just by viewing your words) isn't edifying anyone else & in fact can bring them into sin by causing encouragement to *gossip, *heresy & more.

I admit I am extremely imperfect. I have stuck my foot in my mouth more times than I care to recount. But intentionally, thoughtfully stating something negative about someone publicly for other people that know that someone to see or even for THAT SOMEONE to see... I just think it's so sad because you are grieving the Holy Spirit by purposefully going out of your way to go against God's Word.  The word of God says "...Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone..." (John 8:7)  No one is perfect. Everyone has faults. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has differences. But we don't have to publicize them.  Maybe instead we could pray for them or pray for ourselves in dealing with that person instead of casting stones at someone whether they are guilty or innocent of what we are stating or insinuating.

I always tell my kids that God has given them Super Powers. In God's word it says: "The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences." (Proverbs 18:21)  You have the POWER of speaking LIFE or DEATH over others. When you speak positively about someone you are speaking LIFE over them.  When you speak negatively about someone... well, you get the picture. Do you want to bless or curse others? Do you want to speak life-giving words or words of death? And do you want to deal with the consequences of speaking negatively? What do you want to reap? I want to reap Life.

Forgive me if anything I say offends you, it's not meant to provoke anyone or hurt feelings. Sometimes we just don't think before we speak... it's my personal goal to overcome the foot I've stuck in my mouth repeatedly over the years. It is not pleasant to have a mouth full of toe cheese to deal with. Seriously. So just my suggestion, and maybe God's word too... think before you speak, deal with your problems privately, pray for those that bother you, treat others as you want to be treated and speak life instead of death.

Okay I'll climb off my soapbox now, just couldn't help myself... I've seen a little too much of this lately going on and I couldn't hold my peace any longer.  Blessings to you all!

Redeeming Love

* Not written to seek sympathy. I’ll be honest. Father's Day has never been my favorite holiday. I would stand forever in the Hallmar...